My Running Mate
Reports From The Campaign Trail
by Mark Starlin, Independent Candidate For President
One of the first orders of business for a Presidential candidate is to choose a running mate. My Vice President will need to share my vision for America in case I grab their glasses by accident.
After much consideration—well, at least two minutes and two churros—I have chosen my running mate.
As a musician, I initially leaned toward Joe Walsh simply because the Oval Office Jams would have been epic! But life’s been good to Joe so far, and I didn’t want to mess that up with politics. Plus, he has too many gigs lined up. Making music is way more fun than attending ceremonies and Congress sessions, and in the case of the Eagles, it pays way better.
So, I have chosen a writer (another of my creative pursuits) rather than a musician: John Adams.
[I should probably tell him. Nah, he will read this eventually. Surprises are good.]
As roughly 5% of Americans know, our second President was named John Adams. He was also George Washington’s Vice President. Having read David McCullough’s biography of John Adams, I was aware of this.*
[*I am working on my humble brag.]
When
pointed this out in a comment, I knew she had the brain wattage to be in my Cabinet (she didn’t want the VP job. Smart. I am pretty annoying.) Should I be elected, I will choose Sharron for my Secretary of Heartwarming Fiction and Overall No-Nonsense Advice.We all know history repeats itself whether we like it or not. This election is a perfect example. But I won’t be changing my name to Washington or going to war with England. And no, the rumours of me being the secret King of England are not true! But it will be fun to have my own John Adams.
John Adams (the current one) is a fiction writer, which will come in handy in Washington, where most answers to questions and speeches are fiction.
I met John on Medium, where he is currently a writer. He quickly became one of my favorites there. He doesn’t have a Substack newsletter, but I want to represent all the people, not just Substack writers.
Harking back to the radio Fireside Chats with President Roosevelt, I plan to have John do Storytime With The Vice President, a weekly podcast direct from the White House. I can’t wait!
I am honored to have John as my running mate. Plus, Starlin Adams has a nice ring to it. Maybe not as cool as Starlin & Garfunkel, but I doubt John and I will break up when he wants to go off and be a movie star.
Kirk out.
Vote Starlin Adams 2024!
I am honored that, should you win the highest office, you would have me as your Secretary of Heartwarming Fiction and Overall No-Nonsense Advice. I am more than willing to serve At the Pleasure of the President! Thank you, Mark. Just one teeny, tiny point of clarification, though: I said I was happy to serve, not in the cabinet, but in the pantry.... you know, where the churros and do-nuts are stored. Starlin for President!
Mark, I am honored to accept your offer.
Being VP is something I have aspired to since learning, on the first day of primary school, that I bear the same name as our country's first VP. I came home and asked my parents if I was named after one of our presidents. and they answered, "Which one?"
I think you are right that my skills as a fiction writer will come in handy in WDC.
I will serve honorably, and I promise, you needn't worry about conflicts arising. I won't bring a Yoko into the administrative mix.