You Can’t Argue With Science
If You Were Invisible • Frog Adage • We Got A New Color TV!
One Minute Wit
If You Were Invisible
If you were invisible,
hide and seek would probably get pretty boring.
Sayings Of Renown by Captain Peanut Butter
Frog Adage
Some truths are timeless.
Young Mark Story
We Got A New Color TV!
by Mark (age 8) - 1968
Our television has four legs, and the screen is black and white. And it’s not very big. Billy’s family has a color TV in a big wooden box. And they have a small box on top of the TV that spins the antenna on the roof of their house. We get five channels (most of the time), one of which is Canadian (channel 9), and they mostly show hockey and curling and other weird Canadian stuff. And during the morning, The Friendly Giant and Mr. Dressup.
But I like afternoons best because Gilligan’s Island, I Dream of Jeanie, and The Andy Griffith Show are on. But when the really cool grown-up shows are on, my parents make me go to bed because there is stupid school in the morning. So I don’t get to watch The Fugitive, Hawaii Five-O, or other cool, grown-up shows. But I can hear them from my room.
Our TV is broken.
Mom and Dad bought a color TV! It is gigantic. It is awesome. People look real. Some shows are still in black in white, though. I don’t like that.
Our TV is broken.
A guy just came over to our house to fix the TV. He had to take the back off to fix it.
Mom says to leave him alone and not get too close. But I snuck around the couch so I could see inside the back of the TV. It is full of glowing stuff and wires and other cool things. It took forever, but the guy finally fixed it, and it worked again, and Bonanza came on. But I had to go to bed again because there was stupid school in the morning.
It’s Saturday, so we have to watch what Dad wants to watch, which is Star Trek. Or army shows like Combat! or Rat Patrol. I like army shows like McHale’s Navy and F-Troop better. But Dad really likes Star Trek. And sports shows like ABC’s Wide World Of Sports. Which I like because the man falls off the ski jump every week—the agony of defeat. But we mostly watch Star Trek and war movies.
Sometimes on Saturday night, there is a good movie on TV. Dad makes popcorn. I like to watch him make it. He pours oil into the bottom of the popper, and then adds popcorn seeds, and then puts the clear top on. And then I wait. Pretty soon, it starts popping and fills up the popper. We all get our own bowls that stack inside each other. Dad’s bowl is huge. Mom’s is a little smaller. My brother’s is the next smallest. And mine is the smallest of all. But Mom lets me get seconds. I really like popcorn. And TV.
For those of a certain age (like me.)
Humor
You Can’t Argue With Science
Most Nutritionists will tell you that raw vegetables are better for you than cooked ones. But I have devised a scientific experiment that proves otherwise.
Next time you get invited to a dinner party that includes a professional pitcher who can throw a 95-mph fastball, take a seat across from him at the table and say,
“Hey, I know you.
Dude, you are the worst pitcher I have ever seen.
Ha, ha, ha. Crazy bad.
Really, I’ve never seen someone so awful at what they do.
But that’s probably just because you’re stupid.
Which is a good thing. Because that means you probably don’t realize how ugly you are.
Speaking of ugly, is your wife here?”
Right about then, you should discover that it is far better to get hit in the face with a plateful of squishy crinkle-cut french fries and ketchup than to get beaned in the brainpan by a 95-mph raw potato fastball.
There you have it. Conclusive scientific proof that cooked vegetables are better for you than raw vegetables.
Sorry nutritionists, you can’t argue with science.
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
If You Were Invisible - If you were invisible, it would be “hide and seek” all the time.
Frog Adage - That’s why you need to keep a tight grip on the frog whenever you bring it close to water.
We Got A New Color TV! - Aww, I liked this one a lot. It was very sweet and cute.
You Can’t Argue With Science - Food fights with raw vegetables would be so painful!
"If You Were Invisible" — boring, or very, very intense...
"Frog Adage" — reminds me of, "Sometimes you just need to lead the horse to water, but sometimes you have to hold his head under until the bubbles stop going up."
"We Got a New Color TV!" — totally on point! And yes, popcorn + color TV = Good Times!
"You Can’t Argue With Science" — it wastes your time and annoys science... 😉