The first three paragraphs contain information that Elise would not know, unless you add something like, "From where I stood in the anteroom, I could hear the two men talking."
Also, the chapter still has several vestiges of being the first chapter; most particularly Elise just meeting Britpop. Is this chapter supposed to have happened first chronologically? In which case, there needs to be some indication that we're in a flashback.
You are correct. It is one of those "third person narratives" that snuck in. I will have to see what I can do to fix that. Or I may just have to cut it. I could have Goatbeard narrate those paragraphs, but it supposed to be Elise telling the story of what happened when she first arrived (Britpop asked her to tell the story in the previous chapter.) It is a sticky one.
The first three paragraphs contain information that Elise would not know, unless you add something like, "From where I stood in the anteroom, I could hear the two men talking."
Also, the chapter still has several vestiges of being the first chapter; most particularly Elise just meeting Britpop. Is this chapter supposed to have happened first chronologically? In which case, there needs to be some indication that we're in a flashback.
You are correct. It is one of those "third person narratives" that snuck in. I will have to see what I can do to fix that. Or I may just have to cut it. I could have Goatbeard narrate those paragraphs, but it supposed to be Elise telling the story of what happened when she first arrived (Britpop asked her to tell the story in the previous chapter.) It is a sticky one.
Thanks.