by Mark Starlin, Independent Candidate For President
If elected, I will propose if the world becomes overrun with troubled superheroes, that we hire them to do regular jobs super well.
Like giving super good haircuts in thirty seconds.
Or delivering super tasty pizza two minutes after you order it.
Or pulling up annoying Longleaf Pine trees that continuously rain pine needles, sticks and twigs, and pine cones all over your yard, forcing you to spend countless hours cleaning up after them before you can mow your lawn.
Helpful stuff like that.
I would also encourage people to stop being in awe of them. This gives them superiority complexes, which we all know only contributes to their antisocial behavior.
Instead, I would ask people to invite them over to their houses to hang out and become their friends. If they find satisfaction in their work and social life, maybe half of them won’t become supervillains, and they won’t be fighting each other all the time.
Which can really mess up a city.
Vote Starlin Adams 2024!
Missive from The International League of Girls With Guns (muscles, not firearms):
Dear Mr. Starlin-
We and our fellow superheroes are non-profit entities, so we are offended by your ploy of treating us like common laborers. Besides, for various reasons, some of us are incapable of voting....
They're not all the same- I know this for a fact. And trying to court their vote won't work- they've heard a lot of those lines before...