New to Space traveler Fargone? Start at the beginning.
I spent the next half-hour bashing out the text for my splog video. I didn’t like the idea of making videos. It seems like a lot of trouble. What’s wrong with written words? Nothing. But the boss wants a video, so a video is what he’ll get.
Cal Huckster had provided some music and an opening sequence for the videos. All I needed to do was enter the splog name and hit record. When I finished recording, I took my tablet to Em and showed her the video.
Space Log: Purpletonia
“Greetings, Earthlings. Space Traveler Fargone here, reporting from deep space.”
Em stopped the video.
“It’s terrible. Look at your hair.”
“My hair? Who cares?” I replied.
“Listen, your freighter buddies may not care how your hair looks, but millions of Space Traveler Fargone fans will.”
“Millions?”
“Eventually.”
Em looked at me like a florist looking at a flower arrangement.
“You could be semi-attractive. You just need some cleaning up.”
I wasn’t sure I like this side of Em. Then she started running her finger through my hair, pushing it around.
“Hold it, Missy. We aren’t going there,” I said.
“Grow up; I’m just trying to make you look presentable. And what was that ‘Greetings, Earthlings’ crap?”
“Classic.”
“Yeah, if you’re from the 20th century. Plus, you forgot the most important thing.”
“What?”
“Me. You need me in these videos. Trust me, I have eight million followers on GalaxyTube. Let’s try another take. This time, introduce me. And be natural.”
Space Log: Purpletonia Take 2
“Hello. Fargone here. Before I tell you about my epic alien-life encounter on the newly-discovered planet, Purpletonia, I want to introduce you to my partner on this new adventure, Emma Nettle. I can’t say enough good things about her. Or any, actually. Other than she is not afraid to pick up a glowing ball of Bronto-rhino poop. And she can run fast…”
I felt a sharp jab to my arm. Em stopped the recording.
“What was that? Alright, I will write down the things we need to cover in our video, and then we’ll do a few more takes.”
After Em listed some talking points, we tried again.
Space Log: Purpletonia Take 3
“Hey, everyone. Thank you for joining us on our mission to explore space and report back what we find. I’m Fargone. Some of you may know me from my SpaceBook posts, which got me this new job and this sweet spaceship. Sitting next to me is my new partner on this journey, GalaxyTube star Emma Nettle. How did you enjoy your first trip to space, Emma? Besides almost fainting on take-off?”
Em glared at me.
“It has been exciting, Fargone. I’m sure a better pilot would have made it a little less exciting, but you can’t have everything.”
I glared at Em.
“How does my hair look?”
I felt another sharp jab to my arm.
“You’re not taking this seriously,” Em said.
“It’s not supposed to be serious. It is supposed to be fun.”
“It won’t be much fun when they fire you. Come on, try it again. And be nice. You want people to like you.”
“People like me.”
“Yeah, if you consider dogs people.”
“I do.”
Em stopped the recording.
We tried another take.
Space Log: Purpletonia Take 4
“Yo, funky people of Colonized Space. Fargone and Emma here, orbiting the newly-discovered planet Purpletonia. We had quite an adventure down there, didn’t we, Emma?
“Absolutely, Fargone. Purpletonia is an amazing planet blanketed in purple vegetation and dotted with deep blue lakes.”
“And glowing purple balls. Care to explain what those are, Emma? After all, you did discover them.”
“You’re getting ahead of yourself, Fargone. Let’s talk about our first impressions of the planet.”
“I thought I looked very purple.”
“Brilliant. Incredibly insightful.”
“Well, I was a little distracted by the terrified look in your eyes.”
“You’re an idiot. You know that?”
“Yup. I’ve got a certificate.”
Em stopped the recording and put her hand over her eyes.
We tried several more equally awkward takes before Em gave up. Later, she sent the whole mess to Huckster.
“Maybe Cal can edit the good bits into something decent. But I doubt it. You might want to consider updating your resume,” Em said.
I looked at Em. She seemed totally dejected. I went to the galley, grabbed a container of lasagna, and started writing. When I finished, I posted my splog on SpaceBook. If I was going to get fired, I wanted to get at least one splog published before the ax fell.
Hey, everyone. Last week I was flying a freighter. Spending my time off searching for the best donuts in the galaxy. Farismitron is the current leader, by the way. And this week, I am reporting from a newly-discovered planet. From a brand-new ship. With a brand-new partner, Emma Nettle.
Emma and I will be flying around the universe, visiting new places, and reporting our experiences. We were supposed to make a video report of our adventure, but that experiment was a disaster. So I am going to write my report instead.
Space Log: Purpletonia
Here’s a space travel tip for you. If you ever find a glowing purple ball on a purple planet with blue lakes, don’t pick it up. My partner Emma couldn’t resist. I tried to warn her that the glowing purple ball could be a life form. It wasn’t. It was actually poop. We figured that out when we saw a huge creature that looked like a cross between a brontosaurus and a rhinoceros lift its tail and drop a pile of glowing purple balls on the ground.
Here’s another space travel tip. Don’t take a GalaxyTube star who has never been to space with you to an undiscovered planet. Especially one with giant creatures. GalaxyTube star rookie space travelers tend to freak out when they realize they held Bronto-rhino poop in their hands and say, “Ewww!” Which instantly attracts the attention of ferocious Bronto-rhinos.
Why? Maybe humans are like donuts to them. Who knows? When the beast showed its teeth and roared like an army of lions, we didn’t stick around to investigate. Or become lunch. We hid in a grove of purple bamboo-like plants until the Bronto-rhino quit looking for us and left. Then we ran back to the ship and took off.
Emma named the planet Purpletonia. I don’t recommend visiting. I doubt you will find a donut shop anywhere on the planet.
But if you do decide to go to Purpletonia. And set up a business converting glowing purple Bronto-rhino poop into fuel. Titanic Galactic Shipping has ships ready and waiting to ship your glowing purple Bronto-rhino poop across the galaxy. TGS will get your poop there on time and on budget.
Fargone signing out.
Off to further adventures!
I’m loving that you paired a blogger with a YouTuber and put them in space. It’s so relatable and ridiculous at the same time which I absolutely love.