Monday Morning Mark • 88
Father And Son Conversations • How Deep Is Your Pool? • Garden Horror • The Secret Weapon
One Minute Wit
Father And Son Conversations
James: 29. Truck driver.
Joey: 7. Kid.
James: I appreciate the thought, Buddy, but will you please stop putting peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in my jacket pockets “for the road.” Or at least put them in sandwich bags first.
Joey: Okay, Dad. What about bananas?
James: Sure.
Song Parody
How Deep Is Your Pool?
A song parody of How Deep Is Your Love by The Bee Gees
Play the video at the end of this story and sing along.
Ha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah
I smell chlorine in the morning sun
I feel your swim cap gently hug my brain
And the moment that you said you had a pool
I nearly felt myself go insane
And you invite me on a summer day
To come dive in your pool, what else can I say?
There’s one thing I need to know
How deep is your pool?
How deep is your pool?
How deep is your pool?
I really need to know
‘Cause I’m diving in a lot of pools
Breaking my crown
When they all were not that deep
So before I take that leap
Is your board brand new?
You know the bounce is my only goal
I need height to do a somersault
I need distance when I pike
And it may not look that hard to you
When you know down inside that it’s tough to do
So it’s me you need to show
How deep is your pool?
How deep is your pool?
How deep is your pool?
I really need to know
‘Cause I’m diving in a lot of pools
Breaking my crown
When they all were not too deep
So before I take that leap
Da, da, da… Da dive
Da, da, da, da… Da, da, da… Da dive
Da, da, da… Da, da, da, da… Da, da, dive
Da, da, da… Da, da… Da, dive
And you invite me on a summer day
To come dive in your pool, what else can I say?
So it’s me you need to show
How deep is your pool?
How deep is your pool?
How deep is your pool?
I really need to know
‘Cause I’m diving in a lot of pools
Breaking my crown
When they all were not that deep
So before I take that leap
Da, da, da… Da, da… Dive
How deep is your pool?
How deep is your pool?
I really need to know
‘Cause I’m diving in a lot of pools
Breaking my crown
When they all were not too deep
So before I take that leap
Da, da, da… Da, da… Dive
How deep is your pool?
How deep is your pool?
I really need to know
‘Cause I’m diving in a lot of pools
Breaking my crown
When they all were not that deep
(Fadeout)
Doodle
Garden Horror
The dreaded circle of life.
Story
The Secret Weapon
Jack, the football coach, and Janet, the science teacher, were married. One evening, Janet and Jack were talking about how the first week of school was going.
“How does the team look this year?” Janet asked.
“Not good. The kids have heart, but not much talent,” Harold replied.
“Another tough year for Middletown Middle School football, eh?”
“Looks like it. How are your classes going?”
“Most of them are good. But I don’t know what I am going to do with Caleb Barton. All that kid does is crack jokes and make everyone laugh. It is very disruptive.”
“Send him to the Principal. Bill will straighten him out.”
“I would, but he is hilarious. I’m talking stand-up comedian funny. Sometimes, I have tears in my eyes from laughing. I honestly think he can’t help it. It’s like he is naturally funny, and it has to come out. But I suppose I have to do something.”
“I have an idea. Let me talk to him.”
“Why? What are you going to say?”
“I am going to ask him to join the football team.”
“No way. He’s as skinny as a pencil. The other kids will snap him in half.”
“No they won’t. I will put him on special teams.”
“A kicker?”
“Something like that.”
“You can try, but I doubt he will want to. And I don’t see how that will help my problem.”
“Trust me.”
“Hmm.”
The next day, Jack was waiting when Caleb got off the school bus.
“Hi, Caleb. I need to talk to you for a minute,” Jack said.
“Alright,” Caleb replied.
“I know you have been joking a lot in your science class and disrupting the lessons. There are two ways this can go. Ms. Stanton can send you to the Principal, and you can spend your days in the study hall, silently doing extra homework. Or you can promise to only tell one joke per class and join the football team.”
“I ain’t no good at sports. My greatest sports achievement was the time Bobby Watkins mistook me for a javelin and threw me 25 yards. I think my inability to memorize sports cliches is a deal-breaker also.”
Jack smiled.
“You don’t need to be good at football. I just want you to line up with the other players and then right before the snap, say funny stuff.”
“Really? I can say whatever I want?”
“Yup.”
That afternoon, Caleb started practicing with the football team.
When Friday evening came around, Caleb started in his first football game.
On the first play, a few seconds before the snap, the center, the quarterback, and a receiver plugged their ears and hummed to themselves so they couldn’t hear Caleb.
Caleb said something hilarious. Most of the kids fell down laughing. The rest were laughing so hard they forgot about playing football. Then the center snapped the ball, the quarterback threw it to the receiver, and he ran it for a touchdown.
The other coaches protested, but there was nothing in the rule books that said players couldn’t be funny. Some opposing players tried not to listen, but laughing is contagious. And the jokes were really funny. No one wanted to miss one.
The Middletown Middle School football team went 10 and 0 that year.
Stock Photo Stories give you the real stories behind the photos. That I might have made up.
Happy Monday.
Mark
I liked Stock Photo Stories a lot. I often felt like keeping the pictures of people and families that came with drugstore photo frames, because the people in those photos always had the biggest smiles.
I'm expecting to see Caleb in the NFL in a few years