First Day On The Job
How I Became A Superhero • What I Learned About The Future From Watching The Twilight Zone
One Minute Wit
How I Became A Superhero
I had reached a crossroads in my life.
I was standing between two giant pieces of bread trying to decide which way to go.
Then I realized I didn’t need to choose.
At that moment, I became Sandwich Man.
Other Stuff
What I Learned About The Future From Watching The Twilight Zone
Season 1 Episode 7: The Lonely
Witness if you will…
As a kid, I loved watching The Twilight Zone. The surprise twist endings always thrilled me. I especially liked the episodes about space, which stirred my imagination about the future.
I recently started watching The Twilight Zone again. Here is what I learned about the future by watching The Twilight Zone season 1 episode 7: The Lonely.
In The Future:
The United States will find giant habitable asteroids nine million miles from Earth and use them as prisons. But they will only put one convict on each asteroid. In a metal hut. And every four months they will make that nine million mile journey to bring that sole prisoner supplies.
The U. S. Government will empty out the Smithsonian to stock the prison huts with cool ancient technology like 45 rpm record players.
The great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great-grandson of the actor who played Ted Baxter on The Mary Tyler Moore Show looks exactly like his great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather. And is an unsympathetic jerk.
They pronounce robot “robit” in the future.
“Robits” look exactly like women except they have a bunch of clock gears and wires and stuff inside their incredibly realistic outer shells.
Space helmets look a lot like 1950’s football helmets.
At the end of every major life event, a guy in a black suit recaps the event for you.
I can’t wait for the future!
Here’s a clip:
A Pet Tale
First Day On The Job
It was Milo’s first day on the job. His new home was large, and he felt quite alone.
But he did like having all the food to himself. The cat bed was nice and cushy. And Milo really liked having fresh litter that he didn’t have to share. Overall, not a bad gig.
Now all he had to do was keep an eye out for mice and bugs and anything else that might invade the house.
Whoa! They didn’t mention anything that big in Cat School. It’s definitely not a mouse.
“So you’re the new guy?” Max, the dog, said.
“Uh, that’s right. I’m Milo. What are you?”
“[Laughs.] I’m Max. I’m a dog. A Golden Retriever, to be exact. I’ve been here for a long time. I take it they didn’t tell you about me?”
“Well, they made a lot of sounds like they were talking to a human baby, but I couldn’t understand them.”
“You will learn to recognize certain words in time. Anyway, this is how it’s gonna work.
I mainly do outside, and you mainly do inside.
I poop on the lawn. You poop in a box.
I go for walks, and you lay on the furniture.
I should chase you around — while barking — and try to catch you. But I’m too old for that. I’ll let the neighborhood dogs do that, if the humans let you out. Are you an indoor or outdoor cat?”
“I don’t know. I am only a few weeks old.”
“Well, if you go out, my dog house is off-limits. I just got it decorated the way I like it, and I don’t need a kitten in there scratching everything up. Got it?”
“Stay out of your dog house. Got it.”
“Occasionally. Alright, every day, I like to lay on the floor near the vent and take a nap or two. If you want to curl up next to me and take a nap, I will allow it. Just don’t purr too loud. I don’t understand why cats have to make that crazy noise when panting and tail-wagging are just as good. And not so loud.”
“I will try to control my purring,” Milo said.
“And no scratching! I’m not a tree.”
“Right. Claws in at all times. Anything else?”
“Jenny likes to pull tails. She’s two. You’ve been warned.”
“Thanks.”
“And if I am not mistaken, Mama is going to have another litter in a few months.”
“The human woman who brought me home?”
“That’s her. Be prepared for lots of baby talk and hugging. If you curl up next to her on the sofa while she watches TV, she seems to like that.”
“Got it. I didn’t realize how much was involved in being a house cat.”
“Don’t worry Kid, you’ll do fine. Just follow your instincts.”
“Alright. Thanks, Max.”
“Sure thing, Kid.”
Happy Monday.
Mark
Every kitten, puppy, or small young creature should have a Max.
Great start to my day! I always loved the Twilight Zone, but it scared the wits out of me. Therefore, I became witless. I am now in the Witless Protection Program. That means I can't write humor, but no one can make fun of me for it. Even if they could find me and rescue me from that painting I am stuck in. They made an episode out of it. Season 39, episode 102.