When Things Get Out Of Hand
Sudden Realization • The Greenhorn • How I Lost My Shoe
One Minute Wit
Sudden Realization
Yesterday I walked into a grocery store.
After I got back up and brushed myself off, I said, “Who put that there?”
50-Word Story
The Greenhorn
– Colorado, 1867 –
Jacob approached the stranger he had been hearing and smelling for miles.
“Howdy, friend. New to these parts?”
“That obvious?”
“Yup.”
“I got tired of the city. Wanted a new life.”
“You ain’t the first. Doubt you’ll be the last. Need help making that fire?”
“I sure would appreciate it.”
Other Stories
When Things Get Out Of Hand
Visage Livre
In 1780, in the city of Paris, Beaucoup D’amis Illushareaunt purchased a large blank book. Every day he went to the marketplace where he would sketch people’s faces on one page. He then allowed them to write anything that was on their mind below their image.
To his utter amazement, the more people he included in his portrait book, the more revealing, political, or shocking their comments became. Soon everyone wanted to have their opinions seen in the book. Mainly to elevate their own importance, but also to disparage others.
It wasn’t long before Beau could no longer stand to read the contents of his Visage Livre (face book.) So one day he simply left the book on a café table and moved to the countryside. Where he got a cat, ate cheese, and played violin on the weekends with some old guys. Several years later there was a revolution.
From The Starlin Book Of Little Known Historical Facts That I Might Have Made Up
Story
How I Lost My Shoe
A Tale Of Near-Death In The Woods
My name is Benjamin Closecall. I am a Park Ranger. I have spent countless hours in the wild and am more comfortable outdoors than in. I wouldn’t trade my life as an outdoorsman for anything, although that life almost ended before it had barely begun. Here is my tale.
When I was 11 years old, my family decided to go camping in the woods. We had never been camping before, and I was excited.
After we arrived and set up camp, I decided to go exploring.
I climbed a really tall tree trying to get a good view of my surroundings.
When I got about 50 feet up, I noticed a circular opening in the tree trunk. So, naturally, I decided to look in to see what was in there.
When I did, a squirrel threw an acorn at my eye with remarkable accuracy. It hit my eye, causing me to fall backward off the branch I was standing on.
As I bounced off branch after branch on the way down, waiting for the bone-crushing final stop, my right shoelace caught on one of the last branches.
I stopped, cut up and bruised, dangling upside down a mere three feet from the ground.
After orienting myself to an upside-down view of the world, I noticed a large, hungry-looking bear walking toward me.
Thinking fast, I took the emergency Pop-Tart out of my hiking vest and rubbed it all over my shoelace. As the bear chewed the Pop-Tart, it also chewed my shoelace apart, allowing my foot to come out of my shoe.
Which freed me to fall to the ground, get back up, and run screaming back to my tent.
When I got there, my Mom said, “What happened to your shoe?”
That was a good synopsis of my childhood.
Happy Monday.
Mark
These stories are so good!
Congrats on your 50th issue! :D I especially loved "Visage Livre". <3