Bobby Higgins Makes Me Mad

Olympic Hopeful • I Just Want To Stay High • Polar Bears

Jun 21, 2021

Olympic Hopeful

I realize I am too old to get into the Olympics.

Unless I invent a new event.

So I have petitioned the International Olympic Committee to get the Taco Toss and the Still Warm Pizza Throw into the Summer Olympics.

I’m hoping to bring home gold.

Or at least some leftovers.

50-Word Story

I Just Want To Stay High

Walter Stratosphere loved his hot-air balloon. He hoped to stay aloft for a week.

He made a deal with the birds of Littletown. If they brought him food, he would reward them with Starburst Fruit Chews.

Lots of hot dogs vanished mysteriously from Jed’s hot dog cart that week.

I would love to visit Littletown someday.

Fiction

Warning: I usually write light-hearted fiction. But this one contains dark subject matter.

Bobby Higgins Makes Me Mad

You know what makes me mad? Bobby Higgins. I don’t like his ugly face. I don’t like his funny clothes. I don’t like his stinky breath. I bet he never brushes his teeth.

But what makes me maddest is the way he punches me really hard in the arm when we pass in the hall. When he says, “How’s that bruise on your arm feeling today?” and then laughs.

If he wasn’t so big, I would punch him back. But I am going to show him today. I put a thumbtack in the sleeve of my shirt with the pointy end sticking out. Now when he punches me, he is going to regret it.

Where is he? He always gets me right before math class. Now I got a hole in my shirt for nothing.

“Class, I am afraid I have some bad news. Bobby Higgins has passed away. There will be some trained counselors available to talk to you after class if you want to talk to someone.”

Wow. I can’t believe it.

“Hey, Mom. They told us in school today that Bobby Higgins died.”

“I heard. His Mom told Mrs. Watchell that it was a terrible accident. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. I never liked Bobby Higgins. He was mean.”

“Go do your homework. I’m making an apple pie for dessert.”

“Really?”

“Yup.”

“Hey, Hon. How was your day?”

“Sad. One of Sam’s classmates died yesterday. They told him at school today.”

“That’s awful. Who was it?”

“Bobby Higgins.”

“What happened?”

“The family says it was an accident. But you know Jerry Higgins is a lousy drunk who hits Beth and the kids. I doubt it was an accident.”

“I’m going to go hug Sam.”

Wouldn’t It Be Nice

Polar Bears

Wouldn’t it be nice if you got lost in the Arctic tundra,

and you were wandering around for days,

and your food supply ran out,

and you were about to freeze to death,

and you saw a polar bear coming your way,

but instead of chewing your arm off, the bear said,

“You must be freezing. Here, I’ll lay down, and you can cuddle up next to me and warm yourself. Then we will go back to my cave and have some beef jerky that a guy dropped when he saw me and took off running.”