[times like this I miss Medium’s highlight & comment feature] “As we were enjoying our stroll, a young woman approached us and smiled.” The baron would know Nora, so this feels odd. OTOH, the reader does not, so “Nora approached” doesn’t work at all. And “Nora, a young woman, approached” is awful. Maybe “Elise asked me, ‘Do you know that young woman approaching? She seems to know you.’” Something like that?
Or "As we were enjoying our stroll, a young maid from the Raspberry Estate approached us and smiled.” Which would demonstrate that he knew her without saying her name.
Writing first-person does make it tricky. There has to be a bit of "outside narration" for storytelling to work. Like this example. I sort of addressed this in the Dedication of the first novel when Britpop said, "So while it is you who inspired me to write these remembrances, I have written them as if I were recounting my adventures to a stranger." Sometimes you just have to do what works best for the story and not worry about it. 🙂
“So am I. It feels like a dream I will surely wake up from." Considering what I now know of the baron, I believe he would say, “So am I. It feels like a dream from which I will surely awaken."
[times like this I miss Medium’s highlight & comment feature] “As we were enjoying our stroll, a young woman approached us and smiled.” The baron would know Nora, so this feels odd. OTOH, the reader does not, so “Nora approached” doesn’t work at all. And “Nora, a young woman, approached” is awful. Maybe “Elise asked me, ‘Do you know that young woman approaching? She seems to know you.’” Something like that?
Highlight and comment would be awesome! But I fear it will be a while before we see that here.
Or "As we were enjoying our stroll, a young maid from the Raspberry Estate approached us and smiled.” Which would demonstrate that he knew her without saying her name.
I suppose I could say, "As we were enjoying our stroll, Nora, a maid at the Raspberry Estate approached us and smiled.”
Writing first-person does make it tricky. There has to be a bit of "outside narration" for storytelling to work. Like this example. I sort of addressed this in the Dedication of the first novel when Britpop said, "So while it is you who inspired me to write these remembrances, I have written them as if I were recounting my adventures to a stranger." Sometimes you just have to do what works best for the story and not worry about it. 🙂
“So am I. It feels like a dream I will surely wake up from." Considering what I now know of the baron, I believe he would say, “So am I. It feels like a dream from which I will surely awaken."
I like that better. I will make the change. Thanks, Cyn.
All of these chapters will undergo language changes as I re-read them. But it is nice to have extra eyes helping out.