Max Goes To Hollywood • Part 3
A Max Headline News Story Adventure
The rest of the week was a whirlwind of writing, rehearsals, filming, and a million other tasks. I didn’t realize how much work went into a half-hour comedy show. I gained a new respect for the television business.
I finally got a chance to sit down with Lucy for an interview.
“I am sure you are aware of the irony of a show set in New York being filmed in Hollywood. And a woman whose character wants desperately to get into show business having the most popular show of the year?”
“Of course. But that isn’t the half of it, Lucy said. “When we pitched the show, CBS said no one would believe I was married to a Cuban bandleader. Even though I already was. Ha, ha. Plus, we have to sleep in separate beds on the show, although we are married in real life.”
We talked for ten minutes before some new crisis needed her attention, and she had to leave.
The day after the show wrapped, I got a call on my hotel phone. It was Desi Arnaz asking me if I could come over to the studio right away. He said it was an emergency. I smelled a story. “Sure,” I said.
“What’s the emergency?” I asked when I arrived. Lucy and Desi looked like they had been sucker-punched.
“Someone has stolen the edited film of the show,” Desi said.
“That’s awful. Have you called the police?”
“No. If CBS finds out, we could be in big trouble. We are contractually obligated to give them a show each week.”
“Can’t you refilm it?”
“Not in time. I want you to find the film for us.”
“Why me?”
“Charlotte says you are the best investigative reporter in the country.”
“I can’t argue with that.”
“And no one knows you here. You can keep it a secret.”
“How long do I have?”
“Today.”
“I’ll do my best.”
I went against my nature to investigate a story with the plan to keep it a secret. But I had grown fond of the couple during our week together. And it doesn’t hurt to have friends and contacts in powerful places.
I returned to the hotel and told Charlotte what happened.
“We better interview the crew,” I said to Charlotte.
“Let’s go. Time is short,” she replied.
As we were riding back to the studio, Charlotte joked, “Maybe we should enlist Joe Friday.”
“Who?”
“The detective from Dragnet. Max, you met the man. Jack Webb. The first day we were here. He showed up and congratulated Desi and Lucy on their success.”
“I could kiss you!” I said.
“Alright. But why?” Charlotte replied.
“Who has the most to gain if I Love Lucy goes off the air?”
“The competition?”
“That’s right. Like another new show named Dragnet.”
“Max, I was kidding.”
“I wasn’t.”
I told the cabbie to take me to NBC.
Using my finely tuned powers of observation, I walked in and looked around.
“Aha! There he is,” I said.
“Who? Jack Webb?” Charlotte asked.
“No, a kid I saw at the studio last night wearing an NBC jacket.”
We grabbed the kid and took him outside.
“I know you stole the I Love Lucy film yesterday. You want to go to jail?”
“Jail. No way. I was only doing what I was told.”
“What did Webb promise you? A role on the show?”
“Yes. And he said it was that or he would fire me and make sure I never worked in Hollywood again.”
The kid gave up Jack Webb’s location, and we made a beeline for it.
“Mr. Webb, I need to talk to you for a minute,” I said when we arrived.
“Sorry, I am filming a show right now. Set up an appointment with my secretary.”
“I think you will want to hear what I have to say. It is about a special film I’m interested in.”
Jack told the crew to take five, and we walked to a quiet location to talk.
“I know you stole this week’s I Love Lucy episode. I want it back,” I said.
“You’re crazy. I have been filming all week. When would I have time to steal their show? You can ask anyone on the crew if you don’t believe me.”
“Just the facts, Webb. I saw a kid in an NBC jacket come onto the set yesterday, and he just confessed that he did it.”
“That idiot. It doesn’t matter. You have no proof. Or no film. It’s his word against mine.”
He was right. I had him dead to rights, but my back was against the wall, and the clock was ticking.
“Alright, let’s negotiate. You’re worried about I Love Lucy stealing your thunder. You give me the film back, and you can have Joe Friday interview Lucy on an episode of Dragnet. Everyone will be talking about it, and both shows will get a boost.”
“That could work, but the Networks will never go for it.”
“Don’t tell them. Once they see the publicity it generates, they will get over their anger. Trust me.”
“Alright. Deal. As long as no one ever knows about the theft. It would be devastating to my image.”
“Yeah, you probably should have considered that before you did it.”
“I’m not really a cop, you know.”
“Or very smart. Next time you have a flunky steal something for you, tell them not to wear their work clothes.”
Webb gave us the film’s location, and Charlotte and I retrieved it. Then we returned it to Desi and Lucy.
“How can I thank you?” Lucy said.
“Well…” I replied.
“Max!” Charlotte snapped.
“I was going to say a bit part on the show would be fun.”
Desi laughed and said, “You got it, amigo.”
This fiction. Although the details about the I Love Lucy show production are accurate, none of these events actually occurred. And none of the characters ever did what I wrote. Especially Jack Webb. “Not the facts, Ma’am.” It is pure imagination—as far as I know.
Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
Jack Webb was caught in his own web or dragnet. Either will do. Pun(s) intended, of course!
loved it-all three days