Advice From Old Folks On How To Live Longer
A Squeaky Morning • The Fantasy Printer • Overpacker
One Minute Wit
A Squeaky Morning
When I woke up today, my body said,
“You are the Tin Man,
and we are all out of oil.”
Microfiction
The Fantasy Printer
Dan was a recluse. After enduring a horrible childhood and equally demoralizing adulthood, Dan turned to writing. His life revolved around his novel. Things like work, shopping, and other people were just distractions that kept him from writing.
Dan saw his novel as an epic fantasy tale to rival Lord Of The Rings. Its hero was a knight. Naturally, he based the knight on himself and created a noble story he imagined living out had he not been born in such a cruel time as the present.
Dan regularly printed out pages to read. He seemed to catch typos easier on paper. One afternoon his printer broke. After a bout of swearing, Dan drove to the local office supply store to buy a new printer. He found one on clearance. It was a brand he had never heard of — Fantasy — but it was cheap, so he bought it.
Once the new printer was up and running, Dan printed out the latest page of his novel. To Dan’s surprise, the printer printed an image. An image of the world Dan was building in his novel.
Dan looked up from the image, and he was no longer in his writing room. He was in a cottage. The protagonist’s cottage Dan created in his novel. He looked out the window and recognized the world from his novel.
Dan turned and picked up his sword, Asperation. He walked out the door and thought to himself, Let’s see how this story ends.
Doodle
Overpacker
Many people overpack for trips. I used to every time. Now, when I fly, if it’s less than a week, I will go with just a backpack. No waiting at the luggage carousel. No worrying about overhead bins. Just put the backpack under the seat in front of you and enjoy stress-free flying (well, at least no luggage stress.)
My wife has joined the backpack traveler club also. Maybe it’s some of that “wisdom comes with age” setting in (I am 62. She is 59.)
Humor
Advice From Old Folks On How To Live Longer
Henry Netcaster — Age 97
It’s a hard truth. Most of us won’t live to see the age of 100. But we can get closer. I interviewed several people who have reached a ripe old age and asked them how they did it. In many cases, their answers were surprising.
I compiled their advice into a compendium I call Super Useful Tips To Squeeze More Days Out Of Our Meager Human Lifespan.
You can expect it to hit bookstores just as soon as I find a publisher intelligent enough to recognize the value of such a valuable book—which should be obvious.
In the meantime, I will share the tips here, one at a time, so you can savor each one. Allow them to soak in and become part of your consciousness. Then incorporate them into your lifestyle.
Here is tip number one:
After handling tuna all day, it’s best to avoid walking down a street full of stray cats while pulling a giant ball of yellow yarn behind you.
Smart. Thanks, Henry.
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
Okay, Mark, so I read this on Tuesday. Still made this old lady laugh! “Winner, winner, chicken dinner.” Thank you for an enjoyable post. 😁
These old guys really know what they are talking about. Thanks, Henry -- best advice I have had in a long time! (Sure beats the advice I get over and over, which is "You need to go easy on that scotch, Sharron." As if. ) Nice writing, Mark.