A Walker Walks Into A Saloon…
Space Traveler Fargone • Episode 28
New to Space Traveler Fargone? Start at the beginning
We made it to Split River without encountering any Walkers.
“There’s Pearl’s Saloon. Tell Pearl I sent you and she will take good care of you. I gotta ride. Farewell.”
“Thank you, Hanley,” Em said.
The town was nothing more than a single street with a handful of wooden buildings. A blacksmith, a general store, a bank, a jailhouse, a small train station, a church, and a saloon were about the extent of it. And a stone bridge that crossed a dry riverbed right in the middle of town. I was curious why they split the town instead of just building on one side or the other.
“I’m hungry. Let’s get something to eat,” I said and started walking toward the saloon.
“Don’t expect donuts,” Em said.
“That is a right shame, ma’am. But I reckon I’ll survive,” I replied.
“You want to stop at the store and buy a chickenboy hat first?”
“That’s a great idea!”
“I was being sarcastic.”
“You failed. Let’s go.”
“Aren’t you forgetting something?”
“What?”
“We have no money.”
“I grabbed a few silver coins from my stash on Rustbucket. Silver should work here.”
“You have a stash on Rustbucket?”
“Sure. You never know what you might need in space.”
“What’s in the stash?”
“The usual stuff. Gold, silver, laser pistol, Starburst Fruit Chews.”
“No donuts?”
“They don’t keep. Come on, I need a hat.”
I turned and charted a new course to the general store.
A large man with a handlebar mustache greeted us as we entered the store.
“Howdy, folks. I’m Bill. Can I help you find something?”
“Howdy, Bill. I’m looking to buy a hat.”
“A man needs a hat in these parts. You have a color preference?”
“Tan.”
“Good choice. I got a couple over here.”
I followed Bill to the wall of hats, where he handed me one that fit perfectly.
“Fits like a glove,” I said.
“I know heads,” Bill stated.
“Yes, you do. I’ll take it. We ain’t from around here, but I got some silver coins. You willing to take some for the hat?”
I took out a coin and flipped it in the air at Bill. He caught it and gave it a good look.
“I reckon I could let it go for three of these,” Bill said.
Flow made an unusual, metallic sound.
“Something wrong, Flow?” I asked.
“Based on the prices of the items in the rest in the store and the silver content in each coin, I think two coins is an adequate price.”
“Well, now. Ain’t you the clever one?” Bill said. “Two is fair.”
“Throw in that harmonica, and we’ll call it three,” I said.
“Deal,” Bill said and smiled.
After leaving the store, I turned to Flow.
“I was happy to pay three coins. It was still next to nothing.”
“I thought you should know he was overcharging you.”
“I appreciate it. But sometimes, it is better to go with the flow. Pardon the pun.”
“Another Earth slang?”
“Sort of. Anyway, we don’t want no trouble, as they say in the movies.”
“Thank you for that insight.”
We entered the saloon. It was larger than it looked on the outside, and there were about a dozen tables. A bar ran most of the length of one side, and there was a stage on the opposite side. The saloon was about half-full. A woman walked over to us.
“Welcome. I’m Pearl. This is my place. I can fix you up with food, drink, rooms. Just let me know what you need.”
“We are starving and want to eat.”
“Sit wherever you like. I’ll be back with some lemonade in a minute.”
Then she walked away.
We sat at a table near the window.
I looked at Em. “Lemonade? I half expected her to say whiskey.”
“This ain’t Arizona. Go with the flow.”
I thought I saw Flow smile. Pearl came back a minute later with three glasses of lemonade.
I took a sip. It was very sour.
Pearl laughed at the expression on my face. “We like our lemonade strong.”
“I see that,” I said.
“What can I get you to eat?”
“What do you have?”
“Chicken, eggs, and lizard.”
Em and I looked at each other.
“Eggs for me,” Em said.
“I do not…” I put my hand on Flow’s arm and gave her a ‘don’t say it’ look.
Flow took the hint. “I do not like lizard. I will have the chicken.”
“Lizard, please,” I replied.
“Coming right up,” Pearl said and walked away.
“You aren’t really going to eat lizard, are you?” Em asked.
“I’m going to try it. And if I don’t like it, I will eat Flow’s chicken.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“You never know. Besides, when in Rome.”
Flow started to open her mouth.
“Another Earth expression,” I said. “It means, when visiting another place, follow their customs.”
“Interesting,” Flow said.
Pearl brought out the food and set it down. The lizard looked nothing like Earth lizards and more like a massive cut of steak.
“Pearl, do you mind if I ask you some questions.”
“I ain’t married if that is one of them.”
I smiled. “Good to know. What I was going to ask was, where do you get your lizard?”
“Hoagy Wheatbread and his boys hunt them.”
“Well, it sure looks tasty. Sheriff Hanley was telling us about the walkers. Do you get many in town?”
“Not many. They mostly raid the ranches. Although we did have one wander into town a while back and seen a plate of chicken through the window. It came stumbling into the saloon and headed right for the chicken. They are single-minded monsters.”
“What happened?”
Pearl patted the revolver that was hanging from her belt. “I put it down right then and there.”
“I’ll bet you did.”
Pearl smiled.
A woman got up from the bar and walked over to our table.
“I couldn’t help overhearing. You folks walker hunters?”
“No. We are just curious. We’ve never seen a walker.”
“That’s a shame. I’m looking to hire one. If you want to see a walker, come out to my ranch. I see one pert near every day. And things have only gotten worse since my Elizabeth married and moved out.”
“Why is that?”
“Elizabeth could sing opera,” the woman said.
“I don’t understand,” Em said.
“The walkers hate opera singing. It sends them running for the hills. I’m Becky Featherfluff, by the way.”
Mark, you may want to lose the quotes on "I took a sip. It was very sour." : )
Somehow I’m always hungry for donuts after your chapters….