War Is A Joke
To My Readers • Advice From Old Folks On How To Live Longer - 2
One Minute Wit
To My Readers
Thank you for reading my stories.
It really means a lot to me.
I am deeply touched that you would take time out of your life to read my thoughts and stories.
Especially considering you could have been doing something else instead,
like reading a good book,
or writing a good book,
or listening to music,
or making music,
or working,
or going out on a date,
or exercising,
or gardening,
or having a conversation with friends,
or helping others,
or painting,
or something else worthwhile.
But instead, you chose to read this.
I am so profoundly moved that next time I publish a story, I will try to actually have something interesting to say.
— Mark
Publishing
Advice From Old Folks On How To Live Longer • 2
José Steedwhisperer — Age 93
I find it mind-boggling that not a single publisher (so far) is interested in publishing my book of aging advice, Super Useful Tips To Squeeze More Days Out Of Our Meager Human Lifespan.
I will continue to search for one sensible publisher who recognizes a timeless work when they see one. In the meantime, I will continue to share these useful tips here so you can savor each one. Allow them to soak in and become part of your consciousness. Then incorporate them into your lifestyle.
Here is tip number two:
If you ever go horseback riding and they say, “We are all out of horses, but we have a nice rhinoceros you can ride.” Don’t do it.
That’s a quality tip. Thanks, José.
Alien Life
War Is A Joke
On the planet Quip
On the planet Quip, war is different than on Earth. Killing is considered a bad thing, and no one likes to die. So Quiplings developed Joke Warfare.
Quip Dads everywhere volunteer to serve their countries by fighting in comedic battles.
The weapons have evolved over the years.
Slapstick was an early form of ammunition. But soldiers were wearing themselves out with all the pratfalls.
Dad Jokes were considered the most potent weapons in their arsenal for a time. But it was hard to tell who was winning with all the loud groaning going on.
Then they discovered that Middle School boys have an instinctive knack for insult jokes. They were recruited as joke writers. When they reach the rank of Dad, they move on to active combat.
Both sides spent decades preparing for battle. Then something bad happened. And both sides declared war.
Armies of Dads headed to battle. They lined up across from each other in a sizable field. There was an eerie silence for close to thirty seconds. Then one general shouted out the familiar battle cry:
“Unleash funny!”
One after another, they started telling jokes at each other.
“Walmart called. They want their uniforms back.”
“I used to wear a uniform like yours. Then my Dad got a job.”
“Why did your whole country cross the road? To escape the smell.”
“Your Army is so boring I thought I was reading a book you wrote.”
“I smell defeat. No, wait. That’s your feet.”
The jokes continued to fly for close to two hours. Until each side was so tired from laughing that they forgot what they were mad about in the first place.
So both armies went together to get hot dogs and milkshakes.
And the war ended.
War is a joke on the planet Quip.
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
Great stuff as always, Mark. If they need reinforcements on Quip, please let me know. I’d go sling some Dad jokes around! 😄
Joke wars. An idea whose time has come. And thanks you Jose for the great life-preserving advice! Duly noted!