The Standup Comedian Deer
A Stray Party Crasher • Purple Purple Everywhere
Three Line Conversations
A Stray Party Crasher
“Are you kidding me? Did you invite your Ex to the mouse party?”
“Of course not. I don’t want to spend the night in the dog house.”
“Well, she’s slinking this way. I swear, if she starts purring at you, I’ll scratch her eyes out.”
50-Word Story
Purple Purple Everywhere
Captain Starfinder stepped into the cargo hold. Science officer Max Grower was unpacking a crate.
“It’s been a long cryo. You ready to get started.”
“Absolutely, Captain. I have the seeds.”
“What about this container?”
“I’m not planting those.”
“Why not.”
“They’re plums.”
“So?”
“Have you looked out the window?”
Based on the Fifties By The Fire prompt: Use the image as inspiration to write a fifty-word story (fiction, poetry, or CNF).
Forest Humor
The Standup Comedian Deer
It was Friday. Open mic night in the woods. Although the animals didn’t actually use microphones. And they had to perform before dark because only bats show up after dark. And they are lousy tippers.
The animals gathered in a circle, close enough to hear each other, and told jokes and stories. First up was Hoofy The Deer.
“What’s up, forest creatures? Are you enjoying winter?
“Me neither.
“When I was fawn, my mother told me, ‘Bears sleep all winter.’
“I thought, Great! I will get all the berries to myself.
“Then my first winter came. Guess what? No berries!
“How rude!
“But it’s cool. Actually, it’s cold. Too cold!
“And there is no fruit at all. No wonder bears sleep all winter.
“One winter, I was walking near the road, and I found an apple. What a treat! One of those human-moving machines must have spit it out. Anyway, I was just about to take a bite when a pretty doe walked by. She looked at me with her Bambi eyes, and the next thing I knew, I was sharing my apple. It was like my brain shut down.
“They may be called does, but I was the dodo. As soon as she finished, she laughed and ran away. Probably looking for another stupid buck with a piece of fruit.”
The does all looked at each other and laughed. The bucks shook their heads.
“Take my advice. If you find an apple in the winter, run—into the forest—run. And eat it all yourself.
“Anyway. I recently applied to Giraffe School. I knew it would be a stretch…
“But I am hopeful.
“Did you know it never snows on the Savannah? That’s right. It’s warm all the time. So, I have been taking lots of photos of snow in case I get in. They should be good icebreakers at the watering hole.
Suddenly, Ben bolts into the woods. Most of the animals go on high alert, looking around. The otters all start laughing. A minute later, Ben returns.
“Ollie Otter! Throwing an orange frisbee during hunting season is not funny!”
Hoofy got quiet.
“I am going to get serious now.
“I really shouldn’t be here today. When I was a young buck, I was foraging deep in the woods near a pond. I started eating some plants around a tree. As I came around the tree, I was standing face to face with a teenage human sitting against it. He was dressed in orange and was holding a rifle. I thought I was a goner. He just smiled. I turned and ran away.
“I don’t know why he didn’t shoot me. My best guess is his Mom made his Dad take him hunting because she wanted the Dad to spend more time with his two sons. Or maybe she just wanted a few days to herself. And the kid probably didn’t have to heart to shoot me. I imagine he enjoyed being in the woods but had no desire to kill anything. And he was delighted by encountering me in the woods — like some kind of fairy tale. Only I couldn’t speak Human.
“Well, my time is up. Popsicle the Squirrel is up next. Goodnight!”
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
I'm glad the kid sitting at the tree was that kind of kid.
"... bats show up after dark. And they are lousy tippers."
"I recently applied to Giraffe School."
ha ha ha ha! Thanks, Mark!