The Reel Mower

Stupid Things I Do

Ryan Nicoll

Trying to tame nature is a fool’s game. You can’t win. Yet I diligently go out and do yard work every week. My yard laughs and immediately starts reclaiming its wildness. Usually, before I finish.  

My yard has a ridiculous number of trees. We rent our house. Otherwise, I would pay to have most of them cut down and made into picnic tables, bookcases, 2X4s, and firewood. Unfortunately, none of the trees are good guitar wood. So they can’t be made into something of great artistic value. But I would gladly see them made into sheds to store people’s extra junk. Those trees are my nemeses. 

I am no tree expert, but I do know all of the trees come from the Unnecessarily Messy Tree family. The worst offenders are the Longleaf Pines. The demons of the tree world that continually rain pine straw, pine cones, twigs, sticks, and branches on my lawn and driveway like they are possessed. Unleashing needles with extra fury in the fall. They rain enough pine straw weekly to keep the Pinehurst Golf Course supplied with mulch for a year.

I also have giant Oaks that attempt to keep up with the Pines and shower the yard with acorns, twigs, and sticks. Then there are some huge 80-foot-tall monstrosities. These brutes must not have gone to tree school. They don’t know they are only supposed to drop their leaves in the fall. Nope, they insist on dropping long, narrow, rake-resistant leaves all year round. Not to mention sticks, twigs, and branches.

So I do what I call the blow mow. Basically, I have to blow the lawn with a leaf blower before I can mow it. Not that I have much grass. It is mainly weeds because the tree’s shade keeps the yard continually shaded, making it hard to grow grass. Although I do have a nice section of grass near the sidewalk where the tree cover hasn’t reached. Yet. 

Anyway, at the start of the mowing season this year (I get a month off in January when the trees and weeds all take a nap and energize themselves for the following season of lawn destruction), I pulled my gas mower out of the shed full of extra junk, gassed it up and pulled the cord. Nothing. I tried again. And again. I yanked that cord harder than a skydiver whose parachute wouldn’t open. Over and over, I yanked, until I finally admitted defeat. 

It was an old, second-hand mower that I didn’t like. So I wasn’t about to spend any money fixing it. I stood there with my sore arm, considering my options. 

In my disgust, I had a brilliant (stupid) idea. I would buy a reel mower. Reel mowers are manual push mowers that have a reel of blades that spin as you push them and cut the grass. 

I started researching, reading reviews, and watching videos (that lie.) I found one that was supposed to be 60% easier to push than other brands. It even came with a sticker that said so. Great. I will get some exercise and not have to bother with gas or oil. 

I should have known better. My yard is… What’s the technical term? Oh, yeah. Crap. There is almost no level ground. Tree roots pop up everywhere. Not to mention rocks. It is a weedy, clumpy, bumpy mess. Only a complete idiot would buy a reel mower for my yard. 

I bought one. 

I won’t mention the brand name because I don’t particularly appreciate getting sued. But if you look at the photo, that is the model (you didn’t hear it from me.)  

After waiting two days for Prime delivery, I unboxed it and assembled it (there is always assembly.) The first thing I noticed was how heavy it was! Which I foolishly didn’t consider as I would need to pick it up to get over an island of pine straw, sticks, twigs, leaves, and other stuff the trees rain, that divides my back and side yards. I can’t push it over the island because it will start to spin and chew up the blades on the tree junk. 

I also can’t push it on my gravel driveway because… rocks. I can flip it and roll it on its tiny front wheels on the driveway, but it is not easy. A person could lose a filing from all the jolts. 

I tried mowing the front yard. It worked fine on the nice, level grass near the sidewalk. Just like the people in the videos from Michigan with the perfect, flat lawns said. But then I tried to push it up the hill that leads to my main yard. Oh, sweet mercy. If this is 60% easier than other reel mowers, I would need to be The Rock to push one of those other brands up the hill. I have never been accused of being buff. And I am 63-years old. What was I thinking?

If the grass is thick or tall, you have to work hard to push the mower through the grass. So when it is extra hot and humid out, which is ALL THE TIME in North Carolina in the summer, I can only do a few rows before I have to take a break. I sit on the lawn while my heart beats louder than a drum circle in San Francisco. Then my landlord, who lives next door, shakes his head, fires up his professional-grade mower, and finishes cutting his grass in ten minutes. 

It also is fairly useless on weeds. Which are the bulk of my lawn. Anything with a stem, the mower just pushes over. So I have to do a lot of weeding by hand.

The second time I used the reel mower, I hit a root. The wheels on the mower locked up. I looked at it and didn’t see any problems, but it wouldn’t budge. I called support. I got a recording that they were no longer offering telephone support. I would need to fill out a support ticket online. When I went online, the form said the response time for support was four to six weeks! That’s insane. Who can wait six weeks to cut their grass? 

I looked closer at the mower and noticed a small notch in one of the reel blades where it hit the root. I took a file and filed the notch down. Then, the mower worked again. So, now, whenever I hit a root, stick, or rock, I have to file the blade. Yeah, this was a brilliant idea, Mark. 

Well, I learned my lesson. Next year, I probably learn another lesson and buy an electric lawn mower.