Isn’t It Weird?
The Farmer
Isn’t it weird when you meet someone named Dell.
And when you say “Hi,” he says, “Heigh-ho, the derry-o.”
And you find out he is a farmer.
And he keeps talking about cheese standing alone.
What does that even mean?
A song parody of Mississippi Queen by Mountain
Missing Green Beans
Play the video at the end of this story and sing along.
Missing green beans
No thick cut or no string
Missing green beans
I’m missing everything
Can’t find any potatoes
No carrots for my stew
All out of cajun spices
Don’t know what to do
Looking way down in the cupboard
The fridge is bone dry
While the rest of them Dudes
Was gettin’ their dinner
Buddy, beg your pardon
I was missing mine
Mr. Grocer, please
Do you know what I need?
Mr. Grocer, please
I need everything
You got a bigger basket?
Better make it two
Mr. Grocer, please
Will you take an IOU?
Running up and down the aisles
Groceries piled high
While the rest of them Dudes
Had finished their dinner
Buddy, beg your pardon
I was startin’ mine
[guitar solo]
Running up and down the aisles
Groceries piled high
While the rest of them Dudes
Had finished their dinner
Brother, beg your pardon
I was eatin’ mine
Ahhhhh, missing green beans
Fiction
Getting Past The Past
Hope returns
“I’m going to the park.”
Jerry’s plant didn’t answer. It reminded him of his ex-wife, Sue, who ignored him for years. Once the fame wore off, so did the love. It shouldn’t have been that way, Jerry thought. I loved her, and she wasn’t a star.
It wasn’t an uncommon story. Sue had a crush on Jerry when he was a famous child actor. She faithfully watched his show on television every week. They both grew into young adults, and by chance, they met at a dinner party. Infatuation led to romance, which led to marriage, which led to disillusionment.
Jerry couldn’t get acting work as an adult and took a job teaching English. Invitations to celebrity parties dried up, and Jerry was no longer living the life of a television star. Sue eventually lost interest. Jerry tried to make it work, but Sue said it was over. They divorced.
After their marriage ended, Jerry refused to date anyone who knew he was a child star. Which eliminated most of the women his age. He pretty much gave up on love and fell into a comfortable, boring routine.
As Jerry sat on the park bench enjoying a hot dog, a fit woman, who appeared to be around his age, ran by. She smiled at Jerry as she passed. He smiled back, out of habit more than anything. He wondered if she recognized him.
This smiling game went on for a week. The woman ran past and smiled while Jerry sat on the bench and smiled back. On the eighth day, the woman passed by and smiled. Jerry held up the bag of popcorn he was eating and gave the woman a questioning/inviting look. The woman laughed and turned around. She stopped running, walked over, and sat down next to Jerry.
“All that running must make you hungry. Have some popcorn,” Jerry said.
The woman smiled and took a handful.
“Thank you. I haven’t had popcorn in years.”
“Then you are long overdue,” Jerry said. “I am Jerry.”
“I am Shannon,” the woman replied with a smile.
“I am delighted to meet you, Shannon. Are you a marathoner?”
“You don’t recognize me?” Shannon asked.
“Should I?” Jerry replied.
Shannon laughed. “I guess not. That was many years ago. I am Shannon Spinnaker. I won five gold medals in figure skating in the Moscow Olympics.”
Jerry looked at her, studying her face.
“I was on cereal boxes,” Shannon added.
“Sorry, I didn’t get to watch much television as a kid.”
Shannon laughed. “It’s fine. What do you do when you’re not sitting here eating unhealthy food?”
“You don’t recognize me?” Jerry asked.
“Shannon smiled. “Should I?”
“I was Billy Hawthorne on Space Journey as a kid.”
“Sorry, I didn’t get to watch much television as a kid either. I was always training.”
“It’s fine,” Jerry said. “Are you doing anything for dinner? You can pick the restaurant. Something healthy, perhaps?”
“I would like that. You can tell me all about Space Journey.”
“Spoiler. We got canceled during season four. We never made it home.”
Shannon laughed.
Jerry smiled.
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
What a sweet story. I think they were meant to find each other! Loved the song parody, too.
They lack life experience to tune their BS meter, for one thing. Mily Cyrus' father was on set for her show (and played a character). She is very talented and successful but still has struggles.