Olympic Dreams
Born To Pun • Bernard Takes a Tumble
Don’t You Hate It?
Olympic Dreams
Don’t you hate it when you spend years at the diving pool training to make the U.S. Olympic Diving Team,
and in the very first event, you do a reverse one-and-a-half somersault with three-and-a-half twists in the free position,
and you suddenly remember you didn’t make the diving team,
and it’s winter,
and you’re in the ski jump competition,
and the ground is coming at you really fast.
A song parody of Born To Run by Bruce Springsteen
Born To Pun
Play the video at the end of the song and sing along!
In the day we’re scrounging for something to eat
On our comedy American dream
At night we try to tell funny stories
Although we’re really green
Jokes from ages we left behind
We reel, we’re dejected, and bombin’ all of the time
Hohhhh!
Baby, this crowd is refusing to clap
It’s a face slap, they just wanna hear rap
We get a “Get out!”, and we’re done
‘Cause chumps like us
Baby, we were born to pun
We’re not very good
Jimmy*, let me in, I wanna get a grin [*Fallon]
I want to be on television
Just wrap my hands ‘round a microphone
And share my standup vision
Whenever we don’t get a clap
We pun ‘till we drop, maybe they never will laugh
Hohhhh!
Were you watching me, out there, perspire
‘Cause, baby, I’m just a scared and corny joker
But I gotta know how it feels
I wanna know the laughs are mine
Babe, I wanna know the laughs are real
Oh, can you hold me
[Sax solo]
My heart is callous, it’s like a stone
Dreams, should I now discard?
Crowd’s dying down as I grow nearer
And they stare at me so hard
An amusing line rises in the dark
Kids all chuckle at the wit of the twist
I wanna laugh with you, whimsy, on the stage tonight
In an everlasting bliss
Ha!
[Interlude]
1, 2, 3, 4
The club is jammed with broken comics
On their last chance to survive
Everybody’s out looking for fun tonight
So there’s no place left to hide
Together, maybe, we can lift them from sadness
Relieve them from all the madness in their souls
Hohhhh!
Someday now, I don’t know when
We’re gonna find our place
Where we really have a show, and we’ll fill it with fun
But ’til then, chumps like us
Baby, we were born to pun
Ah, funny chumps like us
Baby, we were born to pun
Come laugh with me, chumps like us
Baby, we were born to pun
Ho, ha, ha, ha
Mm, mm, mmm
Ho, ha, ha, ha, haha, ha
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Mm, mm, mmm
Ho, ha, ha, ha
Ho, ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Story
Bernard Takes a Tumble
Bernard patiently waited until Antonio went to school, then waddled over to the window.
Each day was like a play, and Bernard knew all the actors.
First to appear was Lorenzo. He delivered the milk.
Then Mr. Benetti would begin stocking the fruit and vegetable displays on the sidewalk at the market. Such wonderful colors!
Mrs. Russo would appear shortly after. She wanted first pick of the vegetables. Bernard could tell what was for dinner at the Russo’s by what Mrs. Russo selected.
Officer Colombo would be next. Mr. Benetti would offer him an apple. Officer Colombo would say he couldn’t accept it. Mr. Benetti would insist. Officer Colombo would say “Just this once,” and take it.
Bernard noticed a young girl walking down the sidewalk. He leaned a little further out of the window. A little too far. Bernard tumbled out and fell right on top of the little girl. The girl picked up Bernard as a woman appeared.
“Mama, look what fell on me,” the girl said.
“How strange.”
The woman knocked on the door. There was no answer.
“Aunt Sophie must be out. Let’s go to the park.”
“Can I take the bear?”
“Of course. Bears like the park also.”
Antonio came home and went to his room.
“Mama, Bernard is gone,” he yelled.
They heard a knock. The woman and girl entered, and hugs were exchanged.
“Bernard!” Antonio yelled. “How did you get him?”
“He fell out of the window,” the girl replied.
“Again,” Antonio said.
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
Yeah, chumps like us really were born to pun.
Trade-offs. Can't live with them. Can't live without 'em.