That Was Stupid Club
Cupcake • The Cliff Diver
One Minute Wit
That Was Stupid Club
I’ve got my card
Have you ever wanted to weigh something heavy?
So you hauled a bulky 51-pound object across the house to the bathroom scale.
Then you realized that you could have carried the 2-pound scale to the heavy object.
Welcome to the club.
Song Parody
Cupcake
A song parody of Jailbreak by Thin Lizzy
Play the video at the end of the story and sing along!
Tonight, I’m gonna find a cupcake
Somewhere in this town
Three weeks on this stupid diet
So I’m giving up and breaking down
Driving slow, looking right and left
If you see me coming, looking possessed
Move away from that rack of cupcakes
Unless you like death
Tonight, I’m gonna eat a cupcake
Somewhere in this town
Tonight, I’m gonna eat a cupcake
Gonna slam one down
Gonna slam one down
Tonight, I’m gonna eat double
I’ve been too long deprived
Need some Bo-berry biscuits
Bustin’ out buttons tonight
I can feel the hot dogs when I inhale
The Shell station food makes my belly wail
I’m to blame, I should refuse
Puke in a pail
Tonight, I’m gonna eat a cupcake
Somewhere in this town
Tonight, I’m gonna eat a cupcake
Got to slam some down
Tonight, I’m gonna eat double
I’m gonna find myself ill
Tonight, I’m gonna bust my buckle
So darlin’ don’t condescend
You know I’m craving
Take out!
[Guitar break]
Tonight, there’s going to be some takeout
Ordered it on my phone
Don’t you dare to try to stop me
My hunger is too strong
Appetite like a gale
Tonight’s the night my diet fails
Hey, you, fried chicken pail
Come here!
Tonight, I’m gonna eat a cupcake
Somewhere in this town
Tonight, I’m gonna eat a cupcake
Got to slam some down
Tonight, I’m gonna eat double
I’m gonna find myself ill
Tonight, I’m gonna bust my buckle
So darlin’ don’t condescend
Stock Photo Story
The Cliff Diver
Miguel was a cliff diver. One of the La Quebrada Cliff Divers in Acapulco. He loved the adrenal rush of throwing himself off the cliff at exactly the right moment to hit the water as it swelled. He was young and handsome and took advantage of it.
Until the day he saw Maria. Time stopped when she appeared. Miguel’s only goal from that day on was to meet Maria and make her his wife. Some call it love at first sight, others infatuation. It didn’t matter to Miguel. He only knew that he must pursue this beauty who had captured his thoughts.
At first, Maria had no interest in him. But Miguel was persistent. He began a campaign of romance that lasted nearly eighteen months. Flowers, singing (Miguel was a decent guitar player with a pleasant singing voice), and natural charm were his tools. His athletic build and good looks didn’t hurt either. Finally, his efforts won over his dream girl.
Miguel and Maria married and lived a good life full of happiness. Of course, they faced heartache also, as all do. Miguel eventually had to give up cliff diving, and they moved inland in search of work. They lost their first child at a young age, before having two more. And they struggled financially for many years. But their love remained solid for six decades.
Then cancer came. Maria was gone in seven months, and Miguel was devastated. Living seemed like a burden without Maria. Miguel longed to join his beloved in Heaven. Miguel’s children tried to get him to move to California to live with his oldest son. But he refused. He would die in his own country, he told them.
One day, as Miguel sat at home moping, he thought of the ocean. They always dreamed of moving back, but it wasn’t to be. Why not? He thought.
Miguel sold their modest home and took a bus to Acapulco. It had changed dramatically since his cliff diving days, but the ocean was still there. Miguel rented a room near the beach. Every day he waded out into the water and thought about Maria. He talked to her as if she was right beside him.
One day a young man saw Miguel wading in the water and stopped.
Smiling, the young man said, “Good day, friend. I like to run on the beach. I noticed you visit every day. I’m Diego.”
“I am Miguel.”
“Pleased to meet you, Miguel. Are you new to town?”
“I lived here in the 1960 and 70s. I was a cliff diver.”
“You’re joking! I am a cliff diver.”
“I’m not joking. I dived for close to twenty years,” Miguel replied.
“Then I am buying you lunch. We have much to talk about.”
Stock Photo Stories give you the real stories behind the photos. That I might have made up.
Happy Monday.
Mark
“The Cliff Diver” — one of your best Stock Photo Stories, Mark!
Also, for That Was Stupid: arrange oversized thing on scale several ways, get different results, not sure what’s right. Spouse comes along, has you stand on scale, get weight, hands you oversized thing, get weight, subtract A from B, done. 😐
“The Cliff Diver” is beautiful. I love how much ground it covers for such a short story! Thanks for that, Mark.