Monday Morning Mark • 94
Gravity Repelling Safety Helmet • Unexpected Welcome • Hurry Up And Wait • The Butcher And Mrs. Williams
One Minute Wit
Gravity Repelling Safety Helmet
Invention Log: Initial test results, notes, and observations
Assistant Larry dropped a steel beam at my head from four floors up.
Helmet deflected the beam successfully. I remained unharmed.
Unfortunately, the repelling mechanism hurled the beam back at Larry with significant force.
Note to self: Get a box of Larry’s favorite donuts on the way to the hospital.
They had been asleep for four years. Their bodies held in suspended animation while their spaceship covered the vast distance necessary to reach a new habitable planet.
So you can probably imagine their surprise when the first alien lifeforms they met greeted them with Y.M.C.A.
Hurry Up And Wait
I don’t usually like touristy places. Or the crowds. And I’m not a fan of waiting in line (queues.) I’ll be at the café if you need me.
The Butcher And Mrs. Williams
Calvin owned a butcher shop. One of his regular customers was Mrs. Penelope Williams. Calvin had been serving Mrs. Williams since she married his friend, Johnny, back in ’49.
Johnny had won Penny’s heart with his natural charm and athletic build. It didn’t hurt that Johnny was also the star receiver on the high school football team and went on to own a Ford automobile dealership after college.
Calvin had often wished that he had Johnny’s life. Married to a beautiful woman, well-known and loved in the community, and financially secure. But the reality was, Calvin was awkward around women, having never had a real girlfriend. He had gone on a few dates that were arranged for him by well-meaning friends. But they were uncomfortable experiences that never led to anything. And while his shop did alright, he was hardly well-off.
As Calvin was daydreaming, Penelope walked into the shop. She was a striking woman who was always dressed to the nines, with raven-black hair, a trim figure, and a simple beauty that Calvin admired.
“Good afternoon, Calvin.”
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Williams. The usual?”
“You know me too well, Calvin. Yes, the usual. And I do wish you would call me Penny.”
“Sorry, it’s a habit. I don’t like to get too informal with customers.”
“I hope I am more than just a customer. We are old friends, after all.”
“You’re right. Here’s your order.”
“Thank you, Calvin. See you next week.”
Penny gave Calvin a slight frown.
“I mean, yes, Penny.”
“That’s better. Bye now.”
As Calvin watched Penny walk out of the shop, his mind wandered back to that awful day in ’51 when Johnny flipped his Ford Custom Convertible on the highway. It shook the whole town to its core and left Penny a young widow. Calvin frequently wondered why Penny had never remarried.
The doorbell rang as Beverly Brown walked into the butcher shop. She had a huge smile on her face.
“Oh Calvin, I am so happy I could bust. Bill asked me to marry him!”
She held up her engagement ring for Calvin to see.
“That’s great. Congratulations.”
“Thanks. I need a couple of your best steaks. I want to cook Bill a special dinner Friday.”
“You got it.”
As Calvin wrapped the steaks, Beverly told Calvin about the proposal.
“Bill baked me a heart-shaped cake for Valentine’s Day and placed the engagement ring on top, right in the center. Written in frosting was, Will you marry me? Isn’t that sweet?”
“Bill is a sweet guy. I guess that’s why he became the town baker.”
Calvin got an idea.
The following week when Penny Williams opened her steak package, she found a steak shaped like a heart. And a small card that said, Would you care to join me for dinner sometime?
Penny stared at the card for a moment, contemplated it, and then smiled.
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