Monday Morning Mark • 58

October 04, 2021

One Minute Wit

Joan of Arc & Marie Antoinette Chatting In Heaven

“So you were publicly beheaded? That’s a tough way to go.”

“It is not as horrifying as being burned at the stake.”

“I suppose neither of us had much say in the matter.”

“True.”

“Have you tried the cherry pie? It’s amazing.”

“Oh my, yes. So much better than cake.”

50-Word Littletown Microfiction

A Man Of Persistence

John stopped at the Littletown Florist and bought a single red rose.

He took a ring out of his pocket, then knocked on Sandy’s door. When Sandy opened the door, John kneeled and asked her to marry him.

“What is this, John, number 47?”

Three times later, Sandy said yes.

Comic

Advice

Two Old Guys On A Park Bench

Advice isn’t always helpful.

Uncategorizable But Nice

My Hope For You

If you ever fall out of a marshmallow tree.

If you ever fall out of a marshmallow tree,

I hope you land gently on a fluffy cotton ball bush.

Then roll onto thick velvet grass, which lifts you up and gently moves you along like the arms of fans moving a rock star through the crowd after stage diving.

Then sets you down gently by a stream of lemonade and a box of straws.

And you notice that the reeds in the stream are actually churros.

And several bunnies appear with a strong desire to cuddle with you while songbirds sing beautiful melodies.

And a gentle breeze blows in the fresh scent of wildflowers while the sun gently warms your skin in the perfect 72-degree weather.

And you notice that the International Hammock Society has placed a hammock under a shady tree, so you settle in for a nice nap.

And you notice a table next to the hammock containing several excellent books that you have been wanting to read.

As you read, a paper airplane drifts your way and lands on the table.

As you look at the airplane, you notice that it is made out of a one hundred dollar bill. Then another paper airplane floats down and lands.

This one is made of fancy paper, so you open it up, and it is an invitation to dinner at Grandma Wilson’s house.

Grandma Wilson is not really your grandma, but she insists that everyone call her that anyway.

She is known to be the best cook in the land.

And her pies are so good that people often swoon after one bite. They are that good.

Then a horse and carriage arrive to take you to Grandma’s house.

And the carriage driver is an older gentleman with a kind smile. So you ask him if you can ride up front with him. And he says, “It would be my pleasure.” As you climb up front, the bunnies you previously cuddled with jump into the back of the carriage.

And as you ride along enjoying the beautiful scenery and weather, you ask him about himself.

He replies, “There is not much to tell. My name is Henry Smoothtrip. I love the old ways. Horses and carriages are my passion. I used to drive a carriage in Central Park and loved meeting people and hearing their stories. Often I grew so fond of them that I couldn’t bring myself to charge them for the ride. One day Grandma Wilson hired my carriage. We hit it off right away. She asked me if I would come to work for her giving people rides to her house for dinner. And seeing how I had no family of my own to hold me there, I said yes. Now I consider Grandma and Grandpa Wilson and all her kids and grandkids family. And they all treat me like I am. Now I get to meet nice people every day. And drive my carriage, which I love.”

And soon you arrive at Grandma Wilson’s house and go inside for dinner.

And the critics were right. Grandma Wilson’s cooking is the best you ever tasted.

And her pie is so tasty you can’t control your emotions and begin to cry, knowing you will never be able to bake a pie that tasty.

And Grandma Wilson says, “Don’t cry dear. We have invited you here because we want you to have my secret pie recipe and take over our pie business. Everything is already arranged. All you have to do is sign a couple of papers and you will own the business. There are already excellent, trustworthy people running it and you may do as little or as much as you like. I will teach you personally how to make the pie. As the owner of the business, I think it only right that you can bake the pies.”

And you say, “I don’t understand. Why are you giving me your pie business?”

And Grandma says, “Simple. You are a good person. The bunnies only cuddle with good people. I have seen your acts of kindness firsthand. You once helped me with my groceries, although you didn’t know who I was. I know you have a good, generous heart. It was confirmed when you tried to give the hundred-dollar bill to Henry as a tip. Plus, I have grown weary of figuring out what to do with the incredible profits the business makes. It is surprisingly hard to give away billions of dollars every month. I hope you have better luck at it than I have.”

So you sign the papers and start shopping for a home nearby.

That is what I hope for you if you ever fall out of a marshmallow tree.