April’s April
A Novel Problem • It Could Be Worse • Vicky’s Last Spokeswoman Gig
One Minute Wit
A Novel Problem
Writing novels is tough work.
I started a first-person sci-fi novel about a space captain from the planet Metaltron. A planet containing a race of humanoids with metal exoskeletons.
Everything was going fine until I landed my ship on the planet Magneto. A planet made up completely of magnetic material.
Now I’m stuck.
50-Word Story
April’s April
It was April. In the city.
Suddenly, it started pouring.
She stepped out of the deli, and I noticed she didn’t have an umbrella. I offered to share mine.
“Where are you headed?” I asked.
“Across the street, to buy an umbrella. Mine’s broken.”
I laughed.
“I’m April,” she said.
Comics
It Could Be Worse
This was my first attempt at making a digital comic back in 2014. I used Photoshop. I use Affinity Designer now. It is better suited to my style of comics.
Vintage Poster Fiction
Vicky’s Last Spokeswoman Gig
Every year in May, the Victoria Bicycle and Moped Company holds its annual Moped and Fashion shows in cities across the country. May 1956 was no different. The shrewd businessmen at Victoria realized several years previously that a fashion show emceed by semi-talented, but incredibly handsome, Bart Bigmuscles was a sure-fire way to get women to attend what amounted to a sales pitch for Victoria Mopeds. This year they upped their game by having a world-famous female moped driver give the pitch.
“Hey Gals;
Thank you for attending the annual Victoria Moped and Fashion Show.
I’m Vicky Vivacious, world champion moped driver and all-around glamor gal. Don’t you just love my new sunglasses? There all the rage in Paris. Have you been? You simply must go. Romance fills the air. And the desserts! Oo, la, la!
Now, before the fashion show begins, I am here to tell you why the new Vicky IV—named after me!—is the best moped for fashionable ladies on the go.
You and I are not so different. We both love beautiful clothes and beautiful mopeds. You may not participate in competitive moped racing like I do. You may not have mastered steering with your forearms as I have. You may not have made a name for yourself by doing the “foot drag” while you ride. And you may not dress quite as chic as I do—which we will address in the fashion portion of the show—but there is no reason you should settle for anything less than a real Victoria moped.
Victoria mopeds are manufactured to the highest standards. I won’t bore you with the mechanical details, just rest assured they will never let you down. Plus, they come in a variety of cute colors. And when you get right down to it, is there any better way to get around town and look fabulous doing it? Victoria mopeds are the best. I know. I ride them exclusively, when I race and when I cruise the streets of Paris. Or the streets of Indianapolis.
Applause.
Are there any questions? Yes, you in the cute blue polka dot dress.”
“If I ride a Vicky IV will I become as condescending as you?”
“Excuse me.”
“Well, I was thinking about buying a Vicky IV, but I want to be sure I won’t become a self-absorbed jerk if I ride one.”
“There is no need for insults.”
“A little late for that, isn’t it, Toots?”
“Come now. I meant no offense.”
“Yet you succeeded so masterfully. Do we really look that stupid to you?”
“Hey, I don’t need this. You think I like selling mopeds to a bunch of air-head housewives? It’s part of my contract. I hate it.”
“Did you hear that ladies? She thinks we’re a bunch of air-heads.”
The audience creates a ruckus. Several women stand and start heading for the stage.
“I ain’t afraid of you. You want some of this? We can go outside right now. I’ll take on the lot of you.”
Company Representative Conrad Stats ran out and grabbed Vicky by the arm and rushed her off stage to safety before a melee could ensue. The following day Vicky was replaced by Ann “Vicky” Lessvivacious.
Vicky’s professional moped racing career was never the same. She retired from the sport and moved to Paris, where she took up walking.
Happy Monday.
Mark
I too would love to retire to Paris and take up walking. 😂