How To Stop An Angry Boxing Chicken
I Thought I Was Lazy • Eight Days A Week
One Minute Wit
I Thought I Was Lazy
So I Got Myself Tested
For years I thought I was lazy.
So I finally got myself tested, and it turns out I’m not lazy. I just have advanced procrastination skills.
What a relief.
I just wish I would have done that sooner.
50-Word Story
Eight Days A Week
50-word story inspired by The Beatles song titles
“It’s simple math. All we have to do is make each day 21 hours, and we get eight days a week.”
“You really think it will work?”
“Absolutely, Mr. President.”
“But won’t that mess up the day and night cycle?”
“A little. We won’t mention that part.”
“Let’s do it.”
Humor
How To Stop An Angry Boxing Chicken
At some point in your life, you’ve probably faced the dilemma of what to do after you’ve made a boxing chicken mad at you.
Unlike boxing kangaroos, who are not to be toyed with, boxing chickens are usually not very accomplished boxers. Most experts agree that the reason is their lack of hands. That, paired with their diminutive size compared to humans, makes them more of a nuisance than a threat.
But you should never take anything for granted. Some chickens have been known to only pretend to be boxing chickens when, in reality, they are martial arts experts. They deftly throw off their boxing gloves and leap into the air landing a well-executed karate chop to your cranium region.
The best strategy is to scare them out of fighting in the first place. I find the use of dialog from action movies an effective means of deterrent.
For example, when a boxing chicken of questionable reputation approaches me with rage in its eyes, I break out the classic Dirty Harry routine. Which I modify for maximum chickenness.
“I know what you’re thinking.
Does he have four fingers or five?
Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kind of lost track myself.
But being my human fists are more powerful than any chicken fists and would knock your block clear off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question.
Do I feel lucky?
Well, do ya chicken?”
You could also throw in some references to Perdue or Tyson or KFC.
Then unfold your portable lawn chair, sit back, relax, and enjoy watching that chicken turn tail and run away.
Legal Disclaimer: Mark Starlin is not legally liable for any damage or any injuries sustained using this method of boxing chicken deterrent. Boxing chickens are unpredictable. This method has not been tested on bears, kangaroos, or chickens other than boxing chickens. Use with discretion. Or just run away like you would if the chicken was a bear, not a chicken.
Happy Monday.
Mark
Speaking of procrastination: I only got around to reading this on Thursday.