Time Travel Issues
Bananapalooza 2022 • Sleeping On The Job
Don’t You Hate It?
Time Travel Issues
Don’t you hate it when you invent a time machine,
and you go back in time and watch Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg address.
Then afterward, when you try to start your time machine, it won’t turn over.
So you get out your jumper cables,
and you suddenly remember that car batteries haven’t been invented yet.
100-Word Microfiction
Bananapalooza 2022
William nervously stepped up to the microphone.
“How’s everyone doing? I would have been here earlier, but I slipped on a banana peel.”
Silence.
“An old banana and a young banana were walking down the street. The young banana said, ‘You old softy.’”
Groaning.
“What is it about bananas? I just don’t get the… a peel.”
A banana peel went flying and smacked William in the face.
“Well, I guess it’s time for me to split.”
Twenty banana peels pummeled William as he ran off the stage.
Veteran comedian Jerry looked at Steve and said, “Remember when you were that green?”
Stock Photo Stories
Sleeping On The Job
Jenny had always loved to sleep. Her friends called her Napster, not after the ill-fated music pirating service, but because she was always napping. Her family took her to several doctors, but none could find anything wrong with her. Most gave up, and their final diagnosis was, “I guess she just likes to sleep.”
Needless to say, napping several times per day does not lend itself well to traditional jobs. Being a truck driver was not in Jenny’s future. She tried working in fast food, but when work became a series of fast naps, she inevitably got fired.
Then Jenny heard about participating in sleep studies. They would actually pay her to sleep. What could be better? she thought. Sadly, they only let her do the study once.
One day, Jenny was grocery shopping when she nodded off in the produce section. She felt a gentle nudge on her shoulder. She woke up, expecting to see the store manager, but it was someone she had never seen before.
“Forgive me, but you were standing there, sound asleep. I have never seen anyone sleep standing up before.”
“I do it all the time,” Jenny said.
“I’m Sarah Watson. Can you sleep on demand?”
“I suppose so; why do you ask?”
“I make mystery podcasts, and I wondered if you would be interested in doing some recording? I would pay you.”
“What kind of recording?”
“Well, I couldn’t help but notice that you have a lovely snore when you sleep. Not too loud or abrasive, but strong.”
“Excuse me?”
“I would love to record your snoring for my podcasts. Fake snoring sounds like fake snoring. I would love to get some recordings of the real thing.”
“Sure. I would be happy to.”
“Great! Here is my card. Call me tomorrow, and I will schedule a session.”
Thus began Jenny’s career as a professional sleeper.
Stock Photo Stories give you the real stories behind the photos. That I might have made up.
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
Those were all very funny, Mark! I like starting Monday with a smile!
These were all hilarious, Mark! I’m sorry I haven’t been on your Substack in a bit but wanted to tell you I think your multi format style is very entertaining. Thanks for sharing!