Isn’t It Weird?
Hygiene
Isn’t it weird when you clean your ears
and find a meteor.
Microfiction
Time To Turn The Page
It wasn’t the talking mouse that did it.
Or the river made of lemonade.
Not the flying pancakes.
Or the clouds that rained gumdrops.
The backpack with unlimited supplies didn’t register.
Even the trees with impossibly thin trunks didn’t phase Jen.
But when she noticed that a page corner was folded over, it clicked.
Jen suddenly realized she was a character in a book.
She stood in stunned silence for a moment.
Then Jen thought, I hope this book has a happy ending.
Statistics show that none of my paid subscribers have ever been attacked by zombies. So if you are considering becoming a paid subscriber, zombies will be one less thing you have to worry about.
Guy Storysniffer, Professional News Guy
The Decline Of Fast Food Burger Joints
Guy Storysniffer, professional news guy here, with another hard-hitting essay of unparalleled journalism from the trenches. This time I will be tackling the declining popularity of American fast food burger joints.
Our first stop: Burger King
Server: May I help you?
Guy: Yes. I want to talk to the King.
Server: Good one. Would you like to order something?
Guy: Fast food burger sales are down nationwide. I would like to get the King’s comments on this. Tell him I’m waiting.
Server: I just take orders. Let me get my manager.
Manager: May I help you, sir?”
Guy: Yes. I want to talk to the King.
Manager: Sir, there is no real Burger King. That is just marketing.
Guy: You can’t fool a hard-hitting newsman like me. I know he’s back there somewhere. Here is my card. Tell him to call me when he gets his nerve up. Or I’ll be back.
Manager: Sir, there is no real Burger King. That is just marketing.
Guy: Yeah, right. What a whopper.
Obviously, the King didn’t want to subject himself to the awesome interviewing prowess of Guy Storysniffer. Smart. But not very Kingly.
All right, next stop: Wendy’s
Server: May I help you?
Guy: Yes. I want to talk to Wendy.
Server: Good one. Would you like to order something?
Guy: I would like to order Wendy to come out here and talk to me. I want her take on the decline of the fast food burger market.
Server: Let me get my manager.
Manager: May I help you, sir?
Guy: Yes. I want to talk to Wendy. And don’t tell me she isn’t real. I Googled her. She doesn’t have ponytails anymore but she is as real as you or me.
Manager: Sir, she doesn’t work here. I suggest you contact Wendy’s headquarters. Can I do anything else for you?
Guy: Yeah, quit trying to fool a pro. I know she hiding back there. Here is my card. Tell her to call me. Or I’ll be back.
I should have expected a frosty reception from Wendy’s.
Third try: McDonald’s
Server: May I help you?
Guy: Yes. I want to talk to Ronald McDonald.
Server: Good one. Would you like to order something?
Guy: Yeah. Zero orders of chicken nuggets. Then I want that striped-socked clown to come out here and tell me why fast food burger sales are declining.
Server: Let me get my manager.
Manager: May I help you, sir?
Guy: Yeah. I want to you go out back and tell Ronald McDonald I need to talk to him about burgers. And don’t bother sending out that Hamburgler to run interference. I want the real clown.
Manager: I’m sorry, sir. Ronald McDonald is a mascot. He doesn’t work here.
Guy: Listen, Mac. You’re not so big. I ain’t scared of you or the clown. Tell Ronnie that for me. Here is my card. Have him call me. Or I’ll be back.
Just as I expected. MacDaddy doesn’t want to address the issue publicly.
I’m not loving it.
Last stop: Taco Bell
This ain’t a burger joint, but I’m hungry for some tacos. So while I’m here I might as well ask about declining fast food taco sales also.
Server: May I help you?
Guy: Yes. I want to talk to Gidget the chihuahua.
Server: Excuse me?
Guy: I want the dog. “Yo quiero Taco Bell!” Gidget the chihuahua.
Server: I don’t understand.
Guy: What are you, 17? Get me your manager.
Manager: May I help you, sir?
Guy: Yes. I want to talk to Gidget the chihuahua.
Manager: I don’t understand.
Guy: What are you, 17?
Manager: I’m 19.
Guy: Never mind.
Well, I rang the bell, but no one was home.
As usual, no one is up for sparing with a world-class journalist such as myself. I can’t blame them. I show no mercy. Join me next time when I tell the tragic tale of long-forgotten former Taco Bell spokesman Teddy Taco!
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
Loved "Time to Turn the Page"... really made me think. Am I in a story? Lol!
Hygiene - I once got wax removed from my ear by an ear doctor (she used this long metal thing to go deep into my ear) and the thing that came out of my head was massive! I have no idea how the ear canal has room for all of that!
Time To Turn The Page - With gumdrop rain and talking mice, the story has to have a happy ending! Or at the very least, the journey will be whimsical and fun.
The Decline Of Fast Food Burger Joints - Oh wow I completely forgot Taco Bell used to have that chihuahua mascot. Loved the puns in this one.