Questions I Ponder
A Widely Held Theory?
Is it a widely held theory that if you ran at exactly the same speed as the Earth’s rotation,
but in the opposite direction,
that you would cause a distortion in the shape of space-time,
and counteract the pull of gravity,
and begin to float?
Or is it just me?
Song Parody
If You Would Read My Poem
A song parody of If You Could Read My Mind by Gordon Lightfoot
Play the video at the end of the story and sing along!
If you would read my poem
With such pride, my heart would swell
Just like an old-time wordsmith
Picking pennies from a wishing well
In a backroom dark, or a coffee shop
My laptop on my knees
You know that man is me
And I will never be set free
As long as I write stories you won’t read
If you would read my fiction
What a tale my words would tell
Just like a paperback writer
The kind that doesn’t smell
When you read the part
where the clambake starts
The Elvis would be me
Freshly out on bail
But you won’t read that tale again
Because the plot is just too hard to grasp
[Interlude]
I ride away in my motorcar
Which I turn hard until I flip
Windshield, I break through
A tragic scene, a busted spleen
And other things that are falling out of me
But I blame that steering wheel
I never knew I could hurt this way
And I’ve got to say that I just don’t like it
I don’t know where I went wrong
But my muse is gone, and I just can’t get it back
If you would read my humor
You would know that I’m not well
Just like some hieroglyphics,
so my words boggle your brain cells
On an iPad screen or an Android phone
The humor is still weak
The laughter always ends
And if you read between the lines
You’ll see that I’m just trying to have some fun
Trying to make you laugh
I never knew I could write this way
And I’ve got to say that I kinda like it
I don’t know if it’s the song
But the feeling’s strong, and I really want a snack
My apologies to Gordon Lightfoot, whose song lyrics are true poetry.
Jude The Animal Expert Dude
Sloths
Today’s journey into the fascinating lives of animal kingdom members brings us to the loveable, shaggy-chic sloth.
Sloths are tree-dwelling medium-sized mammals belonging to either the two-toe or three-toe families. But the whole toe thing is really a lie. Their “toes” are actually long, sharp claws. You can trust me when I say you do not want to play This Little Piggie with a sloth.
Sloths have poor vision and hearing, and often confuse each other for muppets. But they compensate by having beautiful singing voices. It is not uncommon to hear soaring renditions of “Sunny day, chasing the clouds away…” coming from their forests homes.
Sloths spend most of their life hanging from trees. They are widely believed to have originated the term “hanging around.” They spend so much time hanging that their limbs are almost useless for moving on the ground. Although they are good swimmers. They rarely swim, however, due to the International Olympic Committee’s refusal to allow them to compete in the Olympics. Their boycott of the Olympics resulted in Michael Phelps' record-breaking gold medal grab.
Sloths are known for being slow-moving, which makes sense since their diet consists mainly of leaves. And really, who is any big hurry to eat leaves?
Their habitat is the tropical rainforests of Central and South America. Primarily because they are in no hurry to leave. And because they speak Spanish.
Adiós, until next time.
- Jude The Animal Expert Dude
Happy Monday.
Mark
Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
More great stuff, Mark! I especially loved the Gordon Lightfoot parody. (as a fellow Canuck, I grew up listening to his music.)
Gordon Lightfoot fan here, and you had me chuckling out loud!! Thank you, Mark. I, too, wonder if anyone reads my stuff. I join you in your angst, and your talent shines!