Aslan vs. The Balrog
Pointed Out • Treasure Island? • Understanding Youngsters
One Minute Wit
Pointed Out
Someone once told me I was oblivious to everything around me.
I said, “Oh, I wasn’t aware of that.”
Microfiction
Aslan vs. The Balrog
The failed book pitch at the Lamb & Flag pub
“You are missing the point, Jack. It doesn’t matter who would win. You can’t have an allegorical lion deity from Narnia facing off against a demonic fantasy beast from Mordor. This isn’t the movies. One does not deliberately mix two fictional literary worlds. No. It is never going to happen.”
C.S. “Jack” Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien were unlikely friends who shared a passion for language, myth, and storytelling. They often debated literary subjects while encouraging each other in their writing endeavors. They were essentially each other’s beta readers. Sadly, their friendship didn’t survive their success.
For this story, I imagined a ridiculous scenario of the two old literary giants, later in life, meeting in the Lamb & Flag pub and discussing C.S. Lewis’ idea of a Chronicles Of Narnia/Lord Of The Rings mashup.
Sayings Of Renown by Captain Peanut Butter
Treasure Island?
Make sure your plan is sound before you pitch it to the boss.
Humor? Or Helpful Advice?
Understanding Youngsters
An Old Geezer’s Guide
I’ve heard a lot of older folks say they don’t understand young people. I’m here to help. You just need to realize a few things and avoid a few topics, and you will find that those whippersnappers are not so strange after all. You may even start enjoying their company. As I do.
Here are some things I have learned by spending time with young people.
They don’t get my 1970s references. Or my 1980s references. After that, I have no references. Don’t expect them to get your 40-year-old cultural jokes.
Never talk about your bad knees or hips. They don’t want to hear it. They are so flexible, they can sleep in a bucket. Besides, they will figure it out when you are hobbling 20 feet behind them.
And while you shouldn’t complain about your physical ailments, oh brother, can they complain about their early-life problems. Just say, “No public internet is rough. But it will all work out fine. I believe in you.” That usually works.
Don’t ever mention the fact that you had the same haircut and wore the same exact clothes they are wearing back in 1974. They don’t like that. They think they are hip. Just like you did back in ’74.
When they start using slang you don’t understand, just say, “Groovy, man.” Or, “That was bad.” Or “Far out.” Then they will have the same facial expression you have.
Remember, they grew up receiving participation medals. So they don’t really understand why people don’t think everything they do is great. Just say, “That’s awesome,” a lot.
If youngsters ever invite you to do things you don’t want to do, being old is excellent for getting out of stuff. These excuses are gold:
“I would, but my [take your pick of body parts] is giving me fits today.”
“I don’t like that newfangled stuff. In my day…” At this point, they start to excuse themselves. They were probably just being polite anyway.
“Sorry, I’m all out of Depends.”
Phone checking at 30-second intervals is expected and acceptable to youngsters. They are not ignoring you. Well, actually, they are, but they have social media followers who need them. And virtual followers are more important than the people you are currently spending time with. Don’t try to understand it. Use the time to practice your whistling. Or sing the Banana Boat Song (Day-O).
Embrace the selfie. It will probably happen. Making the “peace” sign will add to your “uncool” geezer factor. You are embracing your uncoolness, aren’t you? Being uncool makes you cool. Again, don’t try to understand.
Tell them you like donuts. You might get some free.
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
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I love everything about this! 😂
This one is a gem!!! Aslan and a Balrog! How has no one thought of that yet? You are brilliant