Turning Over A New Leaf
A Young Scientist Moves To New York • The Comedian’s Baby
One Minute Wit
Turning Over A New Leaf
I knew I could do better.
I decided to turn over a new leaf.
So I did,
and I found out where the dog pooped.
Microfiction
A Young Scientist Moves To New York
And creates a monster
It was a dark and stormy night.
When Victor mentioned this fact to his wife, she remarked about his incredible powers of observation. Then followed up with, “I said it would be too difficult, living in an apartment. But you didn’t want to hear it. Your mind was made up.”
“But I’ll get soaked.”
“Probably. But look at him. He needs to go out.”
So Victor stumbled out of his lab, grabbed a leash, and called Adam.
At the park, Victor said, “Only one victim tonight, lad. I am wet and tired.”
“Uh.”
“Take my advice. Don’t ever take a bride.”
This story was the result of a writing prompt to write a microfiction story containing the famous phrase It was a Dark and Stormy Night.
Since the opening line has become a bit of a horror, I decided to base my story on another horror classic, Frankenstein. With a little alteration.
Humor
The Comedian’s Baby
A bundle of love and laughter
Dawn loved comedy. As a girl, she watched every comedian show, video, and movie she could find. Dawn memorized the jokes and bits of several comedians. When she graduated high school, she decided she would become a stand-up comedian.
The only problem was, she wasn’t that funny. She bombed time after time.
There was one young man who came to nearly every show. He didn’t laugh at most of her jokes, but he smiled the whole time.
After one show, Dawn decided to talk to him.
“I have seen you at a lot of shows. You don’t laugh much. But then, neither do most of the people in the audience. Why do you keep coming?” Dawn asked.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I keep thinking you might get better. But it doesn’t really matter now. I guess I am a fan.”
Dawn looked at him for a moment.
“Well, a fan is a fan. Can I buy you a drink?”
“Sure.”
Thus began the romance of Dawn and Tony. Dawn’s routine never did get much better. But Tony and Dawn’s love grew, and a year later, they married. Two years after that, they had a baby boy. They named him Jerry after Dawn’s favorite comedian, Jerry Seinfeld.
Dawn decided to take a break from comedy and focus on being a Mom.
After a couple of weeks, Dawn noticed something very unusual about Jerry. As she was watching some old Steve Martin routines on YouTube, Jerry was laughing at all of the gags.
At first, Dawn thought it was just a coincidence. Since Steve Martin did a lot of exaggerated movements during his routine, she thought Jerry was just reacting to those. So she switched to an episode of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee. Eventually, somebody said something funny. When Jerry Seinfeld laughed, baby Jerry laughed also.
This can’t be possible, Dawn thought.
She thought about turning on one of the countless Netflix stand-up comedy specials and then thought, Language, subject matter, better not.
So she decided to try some of the jokes she had memorized from her comedy heroes.
“Jerry, My Love, here is a joke by Rodney Dangerfield.”
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years… Then we met.”
Jerry busted out laughing. Dawn was stunned, so she decided to try again.
“Alright, Sweetie, here is one from Steve Martin.”
“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders… I hate necks.”
Jerry smiled, then started giggling. Dawn giggled also.
“Okay, Monkey, this one is by Jackie Mason.”
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life… Unless I buy something.”
Jerry laughed again.
Dawn decided to try a more sophisticated joke.
“Honey, this is by one of my favorites, Steven Wright.”
“I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast any time.’ So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”
Jerry looked up for a moment and then began cracking up.
Dawn couldn’t help but laugh. She decided to try one of her own jokes.
“I had a crummy morning. I spent it working on my toaster helmet.”
Jerry laughed loud and long.
Dawn tried another.
“You may think I’m weird, but my shoes still look up to me.”
Jerry laughed the cutest laugh.
At that moment, Dawn realized she had finally found her audience.
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
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The facial expression for “Turning Over A New Leaf” is definitely “What *IS* that smell...?”
“The Comedian’s Baby” was a great start to the week. Thank you for the story and all the laughs!