Jimmy Was A Romance Writer
A Tasty Planet • Classic Movie Dialog You Might Have Missed
One Minute Wit
A Tasty Planet
Would people eat their own planet out of existence if it tasted good?
For example. What if the Earth was a solid ball of chocolate?
And the oceans were lemonade with sugar and cinnamon beaches?
And trees were churros?
And their leaves were beef jerky?
And rocks were delicious fruit-filled pastries?
Of course, animals and humans already eat many tasty plants which are part of the Earth’s covering. But plants usually grow back. Chocolate doesn’t. It’s refined from cacao beans from cacao trees which only grow within 20 degrees latitude of the equator. And cacao beans wouldn’t exist if trees were churros. And churro trees wouldn’t exist for long. At least not near my house.
I guess it’s a good thing that dirt and sand aren’t very tasty.
And tree bark takes forever to chew enough to swallow.
And rocks break your teeth.
A Poetic Story
Jimmy Was A Romance Writer
Jimmy was a romance writer
His novels sold and sold
But Jimmy never knew real love
until he was quite old
His novels were just his own dreams
His wishes for himself
Nothing more than Fantasy
put on the Romance shelf
He wasn’t much to look at
Or so the girls would say
He lacked a chiseled man physique
Much to his dismay
To top it off, he went bald
at an early age
A heartbreaking experience
that made him disengage
Why bother even trying
to win a pretty face?
So sad he never realized
a pretty heart could take its place
So Jimmy wrote his novels
and lived inside his books
Where everyone was confident
and blessed with model looks
He never went to book signings
His author photos were not him
They were provided by his publisher
as photographic pseudonyms
The author model was selected
by a reader focus group
Designed for maximum appeal
Book buyers were all duped
Jimmy became wealthy
but he still felt alone
What good are all these riches
with no one to call my own?
The years went by as year will do
and Jimmy wrote his tales
Until he’d finally had enough,
packed up, and moved to Wales
He bought a cottage on some land
to live out his golden years
Jimmy started writing poetry
he dotted with his tears
But his publisher had no interest
in Jimmy’s heartfelt words
So he self-published a little book
entitled “For The Birds”
He placed a photo of himself
on the last page where you should
He would simply be himself
Surely, that was good?
The book sold only ten copies
He wasn’t too surprised
It wasn’t what his fans desired
and he didn’t advertise
But then one day, he heard a knock
on his cottage door
He opened it, and there she stood
The one he would fall for
She said she loved his poems so much
she had to meet the man
Who wrote so purely from his heart
And so romance began
Age had solved the problem
of Jimmy’s subpar looks
His new love shared his wrinkles
and his love for reading books
Together they were happier
than Jimmy dared dream of
In the end, the Romance Writer
found his one true love
Humor
Classic Movie Dialog You Might Have Missed
Sometimes the dialog in a movie is spoken so fast that you miss some of it.
Or the action scenes are so intense they make it hard to hear what the actors are saying.
Or you are so focused on getting the last bits of popcorn that you zone out and don’t hear a line.
I am here to help. Here are some bits of dialog from famous movies you might have missed.
“The old sailors say if you listen closely, you can hear a repeating two-note crescendo right before a great white shark attacks.” — Jaws
“Neck bolt attract electricity. Hair burn. Oww.” — Frankenstein
“Time to wrap this thing up.” — The Mummy
“Eat churros, he did. Smart, he was.” — Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
“I may not be able to handle the truth, but I know how to cut footloose!” — A Few Good Men
“Yeah, but I still did more than you ever did.” — Doctor Dolittle
“If you want me to play it again, it’s gonna cost you five bucks.” — Casablanca
“I’ll take curtain number three, Toto.” — The Wizard Of Oz
“Being an archaeologist is a lonely, thankless profession. Sometimes I feel like a complete unknown. Like a rolling stone.” — Raiders Of The Lost Ark
“Five hundred bunches of bananas. Stat!” — King Kong
[“I’ll be back”] “Take your time.” — The Terminator
“Stop monkeying around and kiss me.” — Planet Of The Apes
“When is this town gonna get a decent barber?” — The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
“I hate stretch marks.” — The Incredibles
“The second Mission Impossible movie sucked. Yeah, MI2 sucks.” — Rain Man
“Quit hitting me.” — Rocky
How many had you heard?
Happy Monday.
Mark
Oh I love the poet! 🥹
Monday Morning Mark by Mark Starlin is a fun fiction newsletter with short stories guaranteed to start your week off right: https://markstarlinwrites.substack.com/