Four Old Guys Go To The Park
And sit on park benches. Ridiculous conversation ensues.
Wally: I’m buying Spain. All of it. I was only going to buy the southern third, but Groupon emailed me an offer to buy half of Spain and get the other half free. That’s too good of an offer to pass up.
Jack: Are you planning on becoming a matador? Because you already have the bull.
Vern: I grew up in Spanish Harlem. I dated a girl there named Rose.
Floyd: You never lived in Spanish Harlem, and you obviously never grew up.
Wally: I’m serious. I am going to be Presidente Wally. And everyone will love me because I will implement Free Churro Thursdays.
Jack: They have a Prime Minister, not a President. But I guess if you own the country you can be whatever you want. How about King Wally?
Vern: You could eat a churro while riding on a burro in your coronation parade.
Floyd: Why not call it Wally World?
Jack suddenly starts singing Well I Never Been To Spain by Three Dog Night.
Wally: Is someone strangling a cat?
Jack: Hey! People love my singing voice.
Vern: If by people, you mean no one, then yeah, they do.
Floyd: My ears! My ears! Medic!
Wally: Of course, my first order of business will be to switch the official language to English. I am too old to learn Spanish.
Jack: That’s true. You can barely speak English.
Vern: You’re loco. You can’t expect a country to change its language.
Floyd: Really? Do you think Native Americans spoke English before we arrived?
Wally: Oh, yeah. How was the crossing? You were on the Mayflower, right?
Jack: Or was it The Niña?
Vern: You must be the pilgrim John Wayne kept talking to in his movies?
Floyd: Laugh it up. At least I didn’t ride on the Ark, like you three monkeys.
Vern pulls some crackers from his pocket and starts throwing crumbs to the birds.
Wally: Did you know they don’t have a Tooth Fairy in Spain? They have a tooth mouse. Ratoncito Perez.
Jack: Good thing you don’t have any teeth.
Vern: I hope he wasn’t the mouse I caught in a trap last night.
Floyd: That’s cheesy.
Wally: Anyway, I plan to design a Presidential poncho.
Jack: Good idea. Start off by offending your citizens. Ponchos are Mexican.
Vern: Actually, ponchos are South American in origin. Having been worn by residents of the Andes region since pre-Hispanic times.
Floyd: Turns his head and gives Vern an incredulous look. Who are you? And what did you do with Vern?
Wally: Wait a minute. How do you know so much about ponchos?
Jack: Yeah. You’re scaring me.
Vern: I think I saw it on cable when the remote control broke, and I had to watch The History Channel for three weeks. I was so relieved when my son came over and changed the remote’s batteries. My brain hurt.
Floyd: And he’s back.
They watch a pretty woman jog by. Not Julia Roberts. But there was some debate.
Wally: Of course, there is one main reason I want to buy Spain.
Vern: Tomato fights?
Jack: Yes! How did we not adopt that custom? It’s genius.
Vern: I think I’m ready for a siesta right now.
Floyd: Might as well. Your brain has been on one for years.
They get up and go get hot dogs.