Dear Miss McCormick
They Really Missed The Boat • The Stray
One Minute Wit
Dear Miss McCormick
“My Mom and Dad say I need to apologize. I am not supposed to use my teleportation powers at school. Actually, I am supposed to keep them secret. But when you said you always wanted to try skydiving, you sounded so excited, I couldn’t resist.
“I probably should have asked you before I sent you 10,000 feet up. That was a lack of good judgment on my part.
“And I wasn’t thinking about you wearing a dress. But no one could see you. I only let you fall to 5,000 feet before returning you to the classroom.
“I honestly thought you would be happy, getting to experience your dream. I wasn’t expecting that look of terror on your face when you got back. And your hair. What a mess!
“I’ve never seen a grown-up faint before. And we did get to see paramedics work on you. That was educational.
“What I did was wrong. I’m sorry. Would you like an apple?”
Microfiction
They Really Missed The Boat
Shem was walking briskly down the aisle, counting. “Two, two, two.”
He heard a clap of thunder and picked up the pace. “Two, two, two.”
A moment later, he ran into Noah, who had a disappointed look on his face.
“What’s wrong, Pops?” Shem asked.
“Look,” Noah said and pointed to the empty coop.
“Where are they? I know I saw them outside.”
“What have I told you a thousand times?” Noah said.
“Don’t count your chickens before they’re aboard,” Shem replied.
“That’s right. Now go back out there and get them.”
“But it’s raining.”
“You better hurry, then.”
Shem ran out and got the chickens.
A minute later, the door closed.
The rain came down, and the ark went up.
When Noah and Shem got to the “U” section, Shem dropped his head and said, “I forgot about the unicorns.”
Noah sighed.
Based on the prompt:
Take a well-known cliché.
Substitute one word.
Write a story based on your altered cliché.
I chose the cliché: Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.
Once I decided to write about Noah’s Ark, I couldn’t resist borrowing an idea from the Irish Rovers.
Wouldn’t It Be Nice?
The Stray
Wouldn’t it be nice if you saw a stray dog sitting out in the rain, felt compassion for him, brought him home, and then discovered he could talk?
But he would only talk to you because he didn’t want to become a spectacle or a science experiment.
And while you were sitting in your living room having a nice chat, he says, “I’m going outside.” So you get up to open the door, and he says, “Don’t bother. I have trained myself to open and close doors.”
Then, after several minutes, you start to wonder why he hasn’t come back in, and you look out the window and see him grazing on the lawn, and notice that he is cutting the whole yard to an even height.
So you ask him about it, and he says, “I noticed your grass was getting a little long, so I came out to trim it for you.”
You reply, “Oh. I thought you came out to poop in the yard.”
He growls a little and says, “How uncivilized. I only do that at night when no one can see me. And I use plastic bags which I then deposit in an outdoor trash container, or bury deep in the earth and replace the sod. By the way, do you own a hose? I noticed your car is looking a little dirty.”
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
It was the legendary Shel Silverstein who wrote "The Unicorn", but the Rovers made it a hit.
“What I did was wrong. I’m sorry. Would you like an apple?”
😂
I’m going to start upping Henrietta’s skill sets!!!