Dear Father

Letters Home

Jen Theodore

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Dear Father;

I hope all is well in Longmeadow. My work planting apple orchards continues with much success. In fact, I have become sort of a fanciful living legend. Folks have taken to calling me Johnny Appleseed. It is ridiculous, but I bear it as it opens many doors for me. Children treat me as if I were Saint Nicholas, yet my only gifts are apples.

I fear this small measure of fame has also attracted much competition. First, there was Billy Orange Replacer, who slyly replaces less flavorful oranges with those grown in his California groves. Then Pauline Peach established a strong foothold in Georgia. Followed by Wally Watermelon in Ohio.

I welcome the promotion of these varieties of fruit if their promoter’s motivations are indeed pure. But I am suspect of the vegetable proselytizers. I am quite certain Charlie Celery Stalk seeks only fame. You certainly can’t make a good pie from celery. Or celery sauce. Nor is it suitable for making tasty juice or cider.

Then there is Larry Lima Bean. He is just wrong. Why promote a bean with the favor of chalk? But none grates on my spirit as mightily as Brussels Sprouts Bob. No honest man would choose the foulest tasting member of the Vegetable Kingdom to promote. He is undoubtedly a charlatan.

Nevertheless, I did not write to complain of my woes. I wrote to inform you that—the good Lord willing—I shall be home for Christmas. But please tell Mother, no apple pie.

Your loving son.

John

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John Chapman: Nurseryman, missionary for The New Church, conservationist, orchardist, and gardener.

Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.

Mark