Invention Log
Perpetual Popcorn Machine
Initial Test Results
While it seemed like an excellent idea at the time, after 47 days of non-stop popping, and 15 pounds of weight gain, I am starting to get tired of popcorn.
The lab is now almost entirely full of the puffy little exploded kernels, and the floor is getting quite slippery from all the butter.
I probably should have gone with a slower PRPM [popping rate per minute.]
Related Findings:
If you barely sleep, you can watch over 700 movies on Netflix in 47 days, which works out to about 58 good ones.
Three Line Conversation
A Food Snob
“No way, John. You have a good job. I’m not eating here.”
“You’re such a snob. The food here is fine. I’m just being frugal.”
“Frugal? It’s a restaurant dumpster!”
Story
Bunny In The City
Being a bunny can get pretty dull. Same old hutch, same old yard. Not much excitement. Then yesterday, I overheard my owner talking to the square thing she holds up to her head. The square thing told her she needed to go to New York City for a meeting. That was the break I had been waiting for. I hatched my plan.
When my owner had finished packing her suitcase, she left it open and walked away. I jumped in and burrowed down under her clothes. Why do humans need so many clothes? Wouldn’t the money be better spent on carrots? I think so.
Anyway, we arrived at the airport, and she checked the suitcase. I stayed very still so the TSA agents would think I was a stuffed toy bunny. It worked. We arrived in New York an hour later. After taxiing for another hour, we finally got to the gate. Another hour, a bus, and a subway train later, we arrived at our hotel.
My owner opened the suitcase and started to unpack. Fortunately, her square thing made a funny noise, and she turned away and began talking to it. I jumped out of the suitcase and hopped under the bed. Then waited.
Before long, she went into the bathroom to do who knows what for an hour. I hopped up on the bed, onto the nightstand, and then toward the door. I landed on the door handle, which came down, and opened the door. Freedom!
I won’t bore you with the details of how I made it out to the street. It was complicated and involved subterfuge. That is all you need to know.
Once out on the street, I was amazed. Giant mountains with windows were everywhere. They came right up to the sidewalk. On the side of one mountain, I saw a sign that said Madison Square Garden. If ever there was a place in the city for a bunny, that must be it, I thought. So I started hopping. And hopping. And hopping. My little paws were getting quite sore, but I finally made it.
What a disappointment. Madison Square Garden is not square. It is round. And worse, it is not even a garden. There wasn’t a vegetable in sight. As I stood there wiggling my whiskers, I heard a voice.
“Hey, Mack. Whatcha doing out in the open? You’re gonna get nabbed by pest control.”
I turned around and saw a rat in the shadows of the building.
“I was looking for the garden,” I replied.
“Well, you found it.”
“I don’t see any garden,” I replied.
“You ain’t from around here, are ya?”
“No, sir.”
“Name’s Ralph.”
“Hi, Ralph. I’m Fluffy.”
“Pleased to meet ya, Fluf. So, a country bunny in the city. I’ve seen it before. Never ends well. Come on; I know where you need to go.”
He turned and started scurrying away. I hopped after him. Rats are fast! We ran down a bunch of alleys, stopping at one building in particular. Ralph grabbed a couple of things from a garbage can and stuffed them in his backpack. Then we were off again.
Eventually, we crossed a street and went around a stone wall, and there it was. The biggest park I had ever seen.
“Where are we?” I asked
“Central Park, of course. This is the closest thing to the country we got.”
“Are there any vegetable patches?”
“Not here, but if you’re hungry, I know a place.”
“I am a little peckish.”
“Follow me.”
We crossed several fields, passed fountains and giant rocks, and arrived at a paved path with rows of benches. We went into a clump of trees a little ways off the path.
“Yo, Jerry,” Ralph shouted up into the trees.
A moment later, a big crow flew down and landed next to us.
“Hey, Ralphie. Who’s the new guy?”
“Fluf. He’s new in town. I’m showing him the ropes.”
“You’re a saint, Ralph. What can I get ya?”
“Four Peanuts.”
“You got it. I’ll be back.”
Jerry flew away.
“Where’s he going?” I asked Ralph.
“There is a sweet older couple who visit the park every day. She has blonde hair and glasses, and he has one of those south-side accents. They love feeding the crows peanuts. Jerry trades the peanuts with the other animals for donuts. That’s what I brought in my backpack.
Soon Jerry was back with a beakful of peanuts. He dropped four by our feet.
“Here you go, pal,” Ralph said and placed a clump of donut on the ground. Jerry eagerly snatched it in his beak and flew away.
We enjoyed our feast of peanuts and donut. Afterward, Ralph said, “Suburban bunnies like you aren’t cut out for city living. You could try. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. But I recommend going back to your easy living in suburbia.”
“I don’t want to go back. The suburbs are so boring, and my owner ignores me. The city is exciting. And I already made a friend.”
Ralph looked at me for a moment and then said, “Alright. Then you better stick with me, kid.”
So I did.
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
Perpetual Popcorn Machine - You can feed a lot of birds with all that popcorn.
A Food Snob - “If it’s good enough for the racoons, it’s good enough for me.” “You’re insane, John!”
Bunny In The City - Good luck, bunny!
Fun stories, Mark! I love Claire’s idea regarding the popcorn. It seems like Fluffy will be just fine. 😄