Animals Can Talk!
Going To Great Lengths For Style • Another Try
Three Line Conversations
Going To Great Lengths For Style
“This would be much easier if I had opposable thumbs. I don’t understand why you think you need your hair braided.”
“Because I’m a dedicated follower of fashion.”
“Be still. I need to get The Kinks out.”
Microfiction
Another Try
He held the sphere between his thumb and index finger. It was perfectly round.
Looking closely, he could have sworn it got slightly larger.
“What do you call this?”
“A Universe.”
“What should I do with it?”
“Throw it on the pile over there. Let’s see what this one does.”
Jude, The Animal Expert Dude
Animals Can Talk!
Some animal experts spend a lot of time trying to understand the noises animals make, treating them like languages. They are not. But animals can talk! Birds can, too. It’s not the noises they make; they talk through their eyes using telepathy. The sounds are simply attention-getting devices, a means to achieve eye contact so they can communicate. I call it “Animal Telepathy” (AT.)
This revelation came to me after spending decades out in the field, living among the animals. I noticed that they always looked me in the eye. They were trying to communicate with me. But being a human used to human languages, I didn’t understand. They often got frustrated with me. And after a while, they knocked me down. That led to another discovery. When AT doesn’t work, animals will turn to actions.
So, I started staring animals directly in the eye and concentrating on what I wanted to say mentally. It worked! I gradually began to pick up their meaning. It was basic at first, but gradually, I began to sense more and more detail in their AT. I am now pretty fluent.
I have presented my findings to several scholarly institutions and publications. They have all met with scorn. So, I continue my work alone. I am currently collecting examples of AT for any interested party to study. The photos below are documented evidence of my findings.
Stare at the eyes of the animals in the photos below and see if you can perceive their meaning. I have written the actual meaning below each picture. I believe with enough practice, others can learn this skill, and I will not be the only human with AT. And someday, animals and humans will be able to communicate with ease. That is my dream.
“You’re wearing that?”
“I am so sick of eating grass. Hey, old man! Share some of those french fries. It’s not like I’m watching my weight.”
“Trust me. I won’t say a word.”
“I think I ate too much popcorn.”
“That’s a tough one. I am going to go with C: Blockchain.”
“Racing hares is for kids. I haven’t done that since I was 140.”
“Was that you? Dude, you need medical attention. That’s foul.”
How did you do? I will be posting more AT examples when I return from my trip to the Everglades. It is tricky to get close enough to alligators to AT with them, but the ones in Gator World are just rude. Until then, my work continues.
– Jude, The Animal Expert Dude
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
Cerberus, the mightiest puppy in the universe, says: "I use Animal Telepathy when I don't feel like showing off my ability to speak most human languages to the really stupid ones..."
I LOVED the photos you collected. I did not get any of them right, though. Such a cute idea. I hope you will do it again, Mark. I do pretty well communicating with Raymond. We stare at each other and blink out a kind of code. He mostly just wants food and a belly rub. ( Raymond is a cat, not my husband...)