A New Year’s Eve

Trunks • My Prediction For 2023 • Four Old Guys Go Bowling

Mark Starlin

Dec 26, 2022

Isn’t It Weird?

Trunks

Isn’t it weird when you open your car trunk and find a steamer trunk.

And when you open the steamer trunk, you find a chunk of hollow tree trunk.

And when you look inside the tree trunk, an elephant trunk pokes you in the eye?

50-Word Microfiction

A New Year’s Eve

The new year was suddenly looking brighter for Dan

An introverted non-drinker, Dan didn’t attend many company New Year’s Eve parties. But this year, he got peer-pressured into it.

Dan saw an attractive woman who appeared sober.

“Hi, I’m Dan. Have we met?”

“I don’t think so. I rarely attend company parties.”

“Me either.”

“Hi, I’m Eve.”

Amazing Prognostication

My Prediction For 2023

I read on social media that writers are required by law to make predictions for 2023. Here is mine:

I predict 2023 will be “The Year After 2022.”

It could happen.

Humor

Four Old Guys Go Bowling

Loser buys lunch.

Wally: When I was a kid we were so poor we couldn’t afford clothespins. So we trained squirrels to hold our clothes on the line. Which worked fine until birds landed on their heads and started pecking at them. Then they would quit and the clothes would fall. Plus their claws put little holes in the shoulders of our shirts, which was cool in the summer but left you with a weird tan.
Jack: We couldn’t afford clothespins either. My Dad started bringing home worn out jumper cables from work and we used them instead. They worked pretty good, except for the battery acid smell.
Vern: Clothespins? Ha! We couldn’t afford a clothesline. Or a backyard either.
Floyd: We were so poor we couldn’t afford clothes. We made clothes out of wood.

Wally: That’s stupid. You can’t make clothes out of wood.
Jack: You can’t make paper out of wood either.
Vern: You can make clothes out of newspaper. I did.
Floyd: Are you talking about those newspaper pirate hats you used to wear all the time?

Wally: Remember that Fourth Of July when Vern was wearing one of those paper hats and he lit a sparkler, and the sparks lit his hat on fire?
Jack: Ha, Ha! I fell down and peed my pants; I was laughing so hard.
Vern: It wasn’t funny. I wasn’t sure my hair would grow back.
Floyd: You wouldn’t know it ever did now. I almost stuck my fingers in your head a minute ago. I thought it was my bowling ball.

Wally: Jack, it’s your turn. You gotta get a spare, or you’re buying lunch.
Jack: Not gonna happen. I pick up spares as easy as you pick up lonely widows.
Vern: I don’t know how you do it, Wal. You’re ugly as a bulldog, and women flock to you. I still got my looks, and only the weird ones seem interested.
Floyd: It might be those paper pirate hats you wear.

Jack misses the spare. Leaves one pin standing.

Wally: All talk. No walk. That free pizza is going to taste mighty sweet.
Jack: I was robbed. I’m sure I felt an Earth tremor. Must have thrown my aim off.
Vern: That was Floyd. He had a cheese omelet and Pepsi for breakfast.
Floyd: It was a Pepsi omelet. The carbonation makes the eggs fluffier.

Wally: That’s disgusting.
Jack: So’s that smell. You need to get medical attention.
Vern: I’m the one who needs medical attention. I’m about to faint.
Floyd: You faint, and you lose your turn.

Wally: Go order the pizza, Jack.
Jack: The pizza here tastes like cardboard. Let’s go to Mario’s.
Vern: You know I can’t go there.
Floyd: I’m sure Maria has forgiven you by now. Lots of women get stood up at the altar.

Wally: I still don’t understand why you chickened out. Maria’s a great gal.
Jack: Yeah, you were like a kid in love. Singing Maria from West Side Story every day.
Vern: I just didn’t want to marry into the mob.
Floyd: So, she has seven kids and twenty-eight grandkids. Big deal.

Wally: How about Gigi’s? They got all-you-can-eat pizza.
Jack: You mean, all you can stomach pizza.
Vern: You are one picky old geezer. How about we go get second breakfast instead?
Floyd: Wouldn’t it be cool if waffles came in pizza sizes?