10 Ways To Use Numbers In Your Stories
To make them 1000 times better
If you want your story to be popular online, you must use numbers. That’s Writing 101. It’s indisputable. You can count on numbers.
Yet some writers struggle to find ways to incorporate numbers into their stories. Which is why I will be sharing the ten best methods I have found to spice up your writing with numbers. Using them is as easy as 1, 2, 3 — plus seven.
What Is Our Fascination With Numbers?
From the time we are infants, most of us are inundated with numbers. Even the act of going potty is numbered.
“Did you go number one or number two?”
Numbers are in our DNA. We are drawn to numbers, which is why most children can count to ten before they can read.
“I can’t count the number of times I’ve used numbers.” — Mark Starlin
Now that we have established the value of numbers, here are ten fool-proof (I tested them myself) ways to use them in your stories.
1. Titles Are At The Top Of The List
Adding numbers to your story title makes your story infinitely more likely to be read according to The Number Writer’s Workshop.
“We’ve done the math, and the numbers add up. Putting numbers in your titles equates to a larger number of readers. The bigger the title number, the larger the number of readers. It’s simple mathematics.” — Alfred Squareroot, President of The Number Writer’s Workshop.
Of course, you don’t want to go overboard. One Billion Ways To Do Nothing might sound like an enticing title, but the length of the list is bound to scare off readers with short attention spans.
A better title would be I Spent One Million Dollars On A Burrito. Then add the subtitle: And It Didn’t Cost Me A Dime.
Come on. You know you wouldn’t be able to resist that one.
2. Listicle, Listicle, Listicle
Is there an easier way to add numbers to a story than to create a numbered list? No, there is not.
It doesn’t matter how boring your topic is. As long as you put it in the form of a list, online people will read it.
This recent viral story on the Buzzable Buzz Stories That Are Creating A Buzz website is a good example.
Ten Steps To Eating A Grape
Pull the grape off of the vine.
Put the grape into your mouth.
Chew
Chew
Chew
Chew
Chew
Chew
Chew
Swallow
Sure, it’s mind-numbingly dumb. But over 47 MILLION people have read it. Do we really need instruction on how to eat grapes? No, we do not. But people will read anything in listicle form. And that means cash in your pocket. Enough to buy more grapes.
3. Go Sports!
Sports are a slam-dunk home run touchdown goal winner everywhere. And what do all sports include? Scores. And scores typically involve numbers — if you ignore that weird “love” score in tennis.
Even better than scores are statistics. Stats are the holy archives of sports numbers. There are batrillions of them. You can toss out stats like local business owners toss out candy from a float in a Thanksgiving Day parade. People love them.
“McRodrìguezovich has the highest batting average — .275 — of any ambidextrous shortstop with two green eyes and two double-jointed thumbs born in 1997 in Minnesota during a snowstorm that dumped five feet of snow on Minneapolis.”
Don’t worry if you don’t know much about sports. You can still write about them. It’s 90% opinion anyway. Google the rest.
You would be hard-pressed to write a sports story without putting up some big numbers.
4. Fiction. Seriously, I’m Not Making This Up!
Suppose you suffer a bout of madness and decide to write some fiction. You can still sneak numbers into your story.
You could give your protagonist a numerical name like Trey.
Or name a town Three Rivers.
Or use clever numerical sentences such as:
Once upon a time, exactly one thousand years ago, ten Vikings sailed across the sea. The voyage took six weeks, and they nearly died of starvation. When they finally reached land, they ran as fast as nearly-starved men could run to the nearest hot dog stand and bought seven hot dogs each. You can still get the same hot dogs today, in what is now called New York City. In fact, the same vendor is still selling them. He is now 1253 years old. How is this possible? Magic hot dogs.
It’s fiction. Make up some numbers.
5. Money, Honey
Money is another easy way to add numbers to your story. Most human currency is based on numbers. It’s just another example of our numerical obsession.
Avoid slang phrases, though.
I need a sawbuck.
Lend me a fin.
Mucho dinero, Dude.
It cost some serious coin.
Slang such as these may represent numbers, but they are not the real thing.
Simply say, “Five dollars for a banana? That’s crazy! Forget it, Mom. I’ll go to the store myself.”
6. Music To Their Ears
There is an old musical axiom:
“Music is math.”
Personally, I would rather listen to a good singer than an adding machine (Google it,) but there is truth to the statement. Numbers are common in music.
Write about musicians, and you will have tons of numerical possibilities. Musicians often count off their music. 1, 2, 3, 4… It is sort of like a reverse rocket launch countdown.
Music also gives you a chance to throw out numerical musician lingo like 4/4 and 3/4 time. Or say cool stuff like, “Hit me with a 16 bar solo, Daddy-O.”
Classical composers loved numbers. When Beethoven wrote his symphony about an out-of-control Saint Bernard, he could have named it after the dog. But no, he stuck with stuffy tradition and gave it the numerical (albeit, boring) title Symphony №5 in C Minor. Yawn.
Modern musicians are no stranger to numbers either. Thousands of popular song titles are peppered with numbers.
25 or 6 to 4 by Chicago
867–5309/Jenny by Tommy Tutone
One (Is The Loneliest Number) by Three Dog Night
Musicians learned the lesson of adding numbers to titles early on. It works.
Add music to your story and rock some big numbers.
7. Measurements Matter
You don’t have to go to great lengths to add numbers to your story. Just add some measurements.
It doesn’t matter whether your country totally bought into the metric craze of the 70s, or stuck with the old measurements, like the US. Or mixed them together like the UK, where you can drive 80 mph for five miles to get fourteen liters (litres) of gas (petrol.) Measurements include numbers.
Weight is another valuable source of numbers, although you should be aware of some cultural differences. Fifty stone in the UK probably weighs more than fifty stones in the US, depending on the size of the US stones. And don’t start me up on the Rolling Stones.
Writers should also be aware that fifty pounds in the US is certainly different than fifty pounds in the UK.
Regardless, measurements are an effective way to add numbers to your writing.
8. Roads
While many roads have names, most freeways and highways are numbered. It is simple enough to add the directions, “Take 40 for sixty miles,” to some dialog. If your character lives in California, be sure to add “The” to freeway names. “Take The 40 for sixty miles.”
Just stay off the numberless Freeway Of Love or worse, The Ventura Highway. Honestly, nobody wants alligator lizards in their hair.
9. Ultimatums
These never fail.
“I’ll give you until the count of three to get off my lawn, or you are in for some serious tickling.”
“You’ve got 24 hours to return the cookie sheet, or I’ll blow up the stadium.”
Ultimatums are gold. Use them, or else.
10. Exaggeration Is A Million Times Better
Nothing has greater potential for supplying numbers than exaggeration. You can use any number you want.
“Ooo, that looks good. I’ll give you a million dollars for that piece of cake.”
“When I got off the plane, she kissed my face 10,000 times. So I asked her for her name.”
Coming from a long line of exaggerators that reaches back four thousand generations, exaggeration comes naturally to me. But it is a learnable skill. An excellent way to begin is to multiply every number by 100.
“I gained 500 pounds on the cruise.”
Why hesitate? Exaggerate!
Don’t settle for numberless stories. You have all the tools you need. Fill your stories with numbers, and watch your reader numbers grow.
Hahaha! This is hilarious. Ten steps to eating a grape might be my favorite of the bunch - no pun intended.
One of your best efforts, Mark.