One Minute Wit
Ponchos
Wouldn’t it be nice if ponchos were solar-powered,
and spun quickly around your neck,
creating your own personal shade,
and a delightfully cool breeze?
Microfiction
No Margin for Error
Harvey was nervous when he walked into the machine shop for his interview. The country was in a depression, and jobs were scarce. He hadn’t held a steady job for months. Fortunately, Harvey learned metalworking during the Great War.
The shop owner, Mr. Mammonish, greeted Harvey and walked him over to a large metal press. The massive machine slammed down with incredible force at regular intervals.
“Here is the deal. This is an automatic press. You need to be able to remove a stamped sheet of metal and place a new sheet in this press within five seconds. If you can do that, you have the job.”
“I can do it,” Harvey replied.
“I hope so. I’ve lost five operators in the past month.”
The owner reached out his hand to shake Harvey’s.
Harvey couldn’t help but notice that Mr. Mammonish was missing three fingers. He gulped and shook his hand.
Jude The Animal Expert Dude
Springbok, The Show-off Of The Savanna
In the southwest corner of the continent of Africa, there lives a unique creature called the Springbok. Standing roughly three feet tall at the shoulder and weighing around 75 pounds, this curious antelope has a white face with a racing stripe that runs from its eyes to its mouth.
I will spare you the standard accepted-without-question scientific explanation of why they have this stripe. It is obvious to anyone who studies animals as meticulously as I do that the actual reason for the stripe is because it looks cool. Springboks are all about looking cool. In fact, Springboks are quite the show-offs.
As there is not much else to do on the semi-arid savanna, Springboks regularly have races to see who is the fastest. Bragging rights are extremely important to the Springbok. After centuries of training for weekly race day events, the Springbok became excellent runners with great speed. They can now run at speeds up to 55 miles per hour. Which is the exact speed Sammy Hagar can’t drive a car.
I contend that any animal who can outrun Sammy Hagar in a car deserves a racing stripe.
But running is only one source of pride for the Springbok. Many centuries ago, a traveling Vulture told the Springbok about the Camel. A great furry humped-back beast from the far north who — in the cooler season — can go up to six months without drinking water.
The Springbok thought that was pretty cool. So one of them said they would go a week without drinking water. It accomplished the feat by eating succulent vegetation. Not wanting to be shown up, the rest of the Springboks started trying to break the record for the number of days without drinking water. Now, it is not uncommon for a springbok to go years without drinking. Show-offs.
The vulture also told them about the humans who ride the camels. Of wealthy sheiks who had harems with hundreds of wives. The male Springbok thought this was a cool thing also, although the female Springbok were not as excited by the idea. But it stuck. Springbok currently travel in harems with one dominant male and typically three females and their offspring. It is common to see these harems around midnight at the oasis.
In earlier times, Springbok invented the flashmob. They would all meet up and migrate together. Sometimes millions of them would travel as a group. It could take days for the flashmob to pass a human village. Fortunately, Sammy Hagar rarely drives his expensive sports cars around southern Africa. I shudder to think what he might have done had he gotten stuck at an intersection waiting for millions of Springbok to pass by.
But probably the most fascinating display of showing off that the Springbok employ is pronking. Also called stotting or pronging, pronking is an unusual behavior where a Springbok leaps high in the air. It is quite impressive and amusing to watch.
Animal experts have several theories as to why Springbok pronk. Some think it is to look for predators. Others hypothesize that it is to show predators they would be hard to catch. Ha! I think running 55 mph already has that covered.
I have developed my own theory of why the Springbok pronk. It has received much envy from other animal “experts,” and thus much criticism, but I feel the evidence is in my favor.
Most animals who like to show off, like humans, often have a little bounce in their step when they are showing off. So bouncing has always been a part of Springbok culture. But Springbok typically only bounced a few inches, maybe a foot on a good day. Then in the early 1960s, one of the Springboks wandered near a human house and peeked in the window. As it was Christmastime, the human family was watching Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer on TV.
When the Springbok saw a reindeer that could fly, it nearly fainted. It immediately tried to fly. It was no use. All it could do was jump a foot in the air.
Then in a moment of serendipity, it noticed that all the children of the house had received Slinkys as Christmas presents.
It thought, perhaps if it attached springs to its feet, it could jump high enough to begin flying. That night, it snuck into the house and stole the children’s Slinkys. Springbok don’t usually resort to criminal behavior, but the thought of flying was too overpowering. There was much human-child crying the next morning.
Well, the Springbok never did achieve flight. But it did do some impressive jumping. Naturally, the other Springbok tried to outjump it, not realizing that they were competing with springs. Eventually, all Springbok became fabulous jumpers. And now, most can leap as high as seven feet in the air.
Although I also entertain the theory that they are just having fun.
Pronking is how the Springbok earned its name. Which roughly translates to jumping, show-off antelope.
Now, if you will excuse me, the wild — and its fascinating creatures — is calling. I must answer.
— Jude The Animal Expert Dude
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
Ponchos - A poncho that turns into a fan would be great during really hot summers.
No Margin for Error - Terrifying! But during the Great Depression, people would’ve been willing to do risky jobs for money.
Springbok, The Show-off Of The Savanna - If the Springbok ever learns how to fly, they’ll be able to show off all over the world!
Those Springbok are such show offs but their racing stripes are cool 😜