The Safe That Fell Out Of The Sky
Go With Your Gut • Drive My Car
One Minute Wit
Go With Your Gut
Decision making
Always trust your instincts,
unless you think they’re wrong.
50-Word Song Title Fiction (The Beatles)
Drive My Car
Roger helped his wife into the car.
Baby number four.
The light had just turned red.
Roger ran it.
He crashed into another car.
The other driver’s leg was broken.
Roger’s car was dead.
Panicked, Roger looked at the other driver.
“Go get your wife. You can drive my car.”
Story
The Safe That Fell Out Of The Sky
A Max Headline News Story Adventure
It was another sweltering hot day in the city. I was looking for any excuse to get out of this steam bath of an office. So I was thrilled when the phone rang, and it was Sheriff Countryside on the other end.
“Max, you might be interested in this. One of the local farmers was out plowing when he saw something big drop out of the sky and land in his field. He said it shook the ground. He rode over to it, and it turned out to be a big ol’ safe.”
“You’re telling me a safe fell out of the sky?”
“I’m looking at it right now. Half buried in a potato field. ”
“Well, if that ain’t newsworthy, I don’t know what is. Give me the address. I’ll be right there.”
I hated to do it, but I knew the boss wouldn’t spring for a cab ride out to the country. So I ran my fingers through my sweaty hair and notched up my charm to a solid 3. Then I strolled over to Charlotte Sharpeye’s desk.
“Oh, hi, Max. Isn’t this heat awful?”
“Hadn’t noticed, myself. My jungle training during the war made me impervious to heat.”
“Hmm. You should have told your shirt.”
“Listen, Doll. I was wondering if you would like to get out of here for a few hours?”
“You mean on a date? Like that steak dinner you still owe me?”
“Well, I was thinking more like a drive in the country.”
“Really?”
“Sure. It’s too hot to think. A little fresh air will do us both some good.”
“Alright, what’s the real story?”
“A safe fell out of the sky and landed in a potato field.”
“No kidding?”
“Scout’s honor.”
“Clear it with my boss, and I’m your chauffeur.”
“You got it. Be right back.”
I gotta get a car, I thought.
An hour later, Charlotte and I were stomping through a potato field on our way to see a safe that fell out of the sky. It was weird, but weird sells papers.
Sure enough, there it was. A big monster of a safe half-buried in the dirt. The sheriff and the farmer walked over to greet us.
“Hey, Sheriff. This is Charlotte Sharpeye. Charlotte, this is Sheriff Countryside.”
“You can call me Vigil, ma’am. It’s a right pleasure to meet you.”
“Pleased to meet you also, Vigil.”
“I believe I may need to get to the city more often. The girls out this way ain’t near as fair.”
I didn’t much care for the smile Charlotte gave him. A little country charm and she goes all weak-kneed. I thought she had more sense.
The sheriff took out a handkerchief and dabbed the sweat off his brow.
“Dad-gum, it’s hotter than a $2 pistol out here.”
“Well, it’s cooler than the newsroom. Although the smell ain’t much better.”
I turned to the farmer to start interviewing him when a shot rang out. It hit the safe and ricocheted into the dirt. I grabbed Charlotte, and we all dove for cover.
“Everyone stay down!” The sheriff yelled. He pulled out his pistol and started crawling on his belly toward the safe.
“Look up,” Charlotte said.
I looked up and could hardly believe my eyes. A man was parachuting down from the sky, and he was dropping bags of something.
Then he shouted out, “Don’t shoot. I am unarmed. I have rendered the shooter unconscious.”
He landed and walked briskly over to us.
“Sheriff, you will find the shooter ten yards in that direction.” He pointed east.
Countryside got up and ran east. There on the ground was a man face-down with a rifle still in his hand. Surrounding him were about 20 pouches. A couple of them had broken open and spilled their contents — gold coins.
The sheriff quickly took the rifle and handcuffed the shooter.
“It’s safe now,” he shouted, and we all walked over to view the scene.
Countryside looked at the parachuter and said, “What’s your name?”
“Howard Hughes.”
“Alright, Mr. Hughes. Do mind telling me what in tarnation is going on?”
“I would be happy to. Earlier today, I purchased the safe now buried in this field, at an auction. The safe contents are unknown. But there are many rumors. Secret war documents, gold bars, precious jewels, stolen paintings. I simply couldn’t resist. The rub is, no one knows the combination, and that is one of the toughest safes in the world to crack.”
“I don’t need its history. Just get to the part where it falls out of the sky,” the sheriff said.
“Patience, good fellow. The context is important. As I said, I purchased the safe and had it loaded onto my airplane to ship it back to my house. As I was flying it home…”
“You’re a pilot also,” Charlotte asked.
I didn’t like the way her eyebrows were moving.
“That’s correct, my dear. I don’t believe we have been introduced.”
“She’s Charlotte. Now get on with it,” I said.
“Apparently, this chap, laying here in the dirt, stowed away on my plane. He snuck into the cockpit and held a gun to my head. He told me to open the cargo door and push the safe out. He held a gun to my co-pilot’s head while I did as he instructed. Then he jumped out of the plane.”
“Hoo wee! That is one crazy story,” the sheriff said.
A story that would get me a headline, I thought.
“Apparently, it took him some time to find the location of the safe once he landed. Naturally, I had my pilot circle around, and I gathered up some pouches of gold coins I keep stashed in my plane for, ah, diplomatic inducements. I saw the culprit laying in the field looking at all of you, so I jumped. I free-fell until I was overhead, Then I pulled the chute and began raining coin pouches down on the shooter. One found its target. A direct hit to the head. You know the rest.”
“Incredible,” I said.
“Incredible,” Charlotte said. Although I’m not sure she was talking about the story.
Just then, the shooter came around. The sheriff pulled him to his feet and told him his rights. Then said, “I am arresting you for attempted murder. Do you have anything to say?”
“I wasn’t trying to murder no one. I just wanted to scare you off. All I wanted was the safe.”
“We’ll let the lawyers figure that out. I’m taking you in.”
“Sheriff, do you mind if I question him?” Howard Hughes said.
Now he was really starting to get on my nerves. That was my line.
“I don’t see no harm in it,” Countryside replied.
“Do you know what’s in the safe?” Hughes asked
“Well, I’m not 100% sure, but the stories go way back that the original Coca-Cola recipe is in that safe.”
“What? You stole a safe for a soft drink recipe?” I asked.
“It’s worth millions. And they owe it to my family.”
“I’m not following you, kid,” Hughes said.
“I’m Harvey Alderton. My great, great, great, great grandfather was Charles Alderton.”
“Who?” I asked.
“Dr. Pepper. Does that ring a bell? He invented the recipe for Dr. Pepper in the early 1880s and released it commercially in 1885, a year before Coca-Cola was released. Ever since, Coca-Cola has been trying to run us out of business. Selling their drinks for less than cost. Creating a Dr. Pepper knock-off called Peppo. If it keeps up, we will be forced to sell. I plan to use their recipe to get them to back off or use it to release our own Coca-Cola knock-off if they refuse.”
“All this is about soda pop?” Countryside asked.
“Nope. It’s about money. Always is,” I replied.
“How were you planning to get the safe out of here?” Hughes asked.
“My idiot brother-in-law and his brother have a truck and a forklift. But they never showed up. I guess they saw your patrol car and got spooked.”
“Alright. Time to go. Mr. Hughes. I am going to need you to come to the station to make a statement.”
“I would be delighted. I will need to use your telephone to arrange for the recovery of my safe.”
“Not a problem.”
I spent the afternoon interviewing everyone involved, while Charlotte spent most of the afternoon chatting with Hughes. I don’t get it. There is something a little off about that guy, I’m sure of it.
“Hey, Hughes. How do you plan to get the safe open?” I asked.
“I know a guy in Switzerland. Best in the business.”
“Will you mail me and let me know what you find in the safe?”
“Count on it.”
Two weeks later, Hughes kept his word and sent me a letter. I opened it.
Mr. Headline.
As per your request, the contents of the safe were exactly: four family photographs, a women’s broach, two diamond rings, a land deed, and a certain recipe I have placed in my own safe for the time being.
It was quite an adventure, was it not?
Cordially,
Howard Hughes.
P.S. Give my regards to Charlotte.
Yeah, right. I wadded the letter up and tossed it in the trash.
This is a work of fiction. Although some of the history of Dr. Pepper is true, the rest is pure imagination. Howard Hughes never took part in the adventure I described. That I know of.
Happy Monday. Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
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Go with your gut - “I should trust my gut. But what is my gut is wrong? But what if believing that my gut is wrong IS WRONG? But what if…”
Drive my car - Moral of the story; don’t run red lights.
The safe that fell out of the sky - What an adventure! The idea of knocking someone out like that is hilarious. Maybe Max’s jealousy will motivate him to finally take Charlotte out for that steak dinner.
Angry bears prefer lighted paths for sure. And they often drop out of the sky, kinda like safes.