Max Takes On Howard Hughes
A Max Headline story
It was a slow day at Big City News. All my usual contacts had nothing for me. It was like all the criminals and oddballs in this city had taken a vacation on the same week. Where is a good disaster when you need one?
“I need a headline, Max. Find me one, or find another job,” the Boss shouted at me as he ripped the crossword puzzle out of my hands.
“I’m trying, Boss.”
“Yeah. Like I’m trying to lose weight.”
He was holding a donut.
“Get your lazy keister out of my building, and don’t come back without a story.”
The Boss is a real charmer. That’s why we get along.
As I was heading toward the elevator, Charlotte Sharpeye stepped in front of me and started blabbering.
“Max! You’re never going to guess who I just got off the phone with.”
“That’s right. I’m never gonna guess.”
“Howard Hughes.”
“That wacko from the safe story.”
“He’s no wacko. In fact, he’s brilliant and charming.”
“And rich. Rich people are all wackos. Money does it to them. That’s why I pursued a career in news. Keeps me poor and sane.”
“If by ‘sane’ you mean cynical and drinks too much, I agree.”
“So what did flyboy want?”
“He plans to buy Big City News.”
I am rarely speechless, but this news nugget smacked the words right outta my noggin. I stood there quivering like a politician facing a lie detector test.”
“Isn’t it great?” Charlotte chirped.
I just stared.
“Max, are you alright?”
“I need to sit down,” I said as I slumped onto the floor. “Bring me a donut, would ya, Doll? And the liquor bottle in my bottom right-hand desk drawer.”
“What’s wrong with you, Max?”
I couldn’t tell Charlotte, but I doubted Hughes had any real interest in Big City News. He is an airplane guy. This was some kind of game, and I had a feeling Charlotte was the trophy.
“Probably overcome by excitement at the thought of seeing Hughes’ mustache every day.”
“Max, you can’t tell anyone. Howard made me promise.”
“You told me.”
“Of course. You’re… You’re Max Headline. You would have found out anyway.”
“That’s true. And you’re right. We need to keep a lid on this.”
She is calling him Howard. Not good.
After finishing my donut, Charlotte refused to get me booze, I went straight to the Boss’s office.
“You got a story that fast?” the Boss asked.
“Yeah, but you ain’t gonna like it.”
“Spill.”
“Howard Hughes is planning to buy Big City News.”
“Right. Quit wasting my time and hit the bricks.”
“I’m dead serious, Boss. Charlotte just got off the phone with him.”
“Why would Hughes call Sharpeye?”
“Hughes has some kind of obsession with Charlotte. I saw it the first time they met. I think this is his way of getting close.”
“You don’t buy a newspaper to get a date. Hughes is filthy rich. All he would have to do is ask her.”
“Well, I wasn’t planning on telling you, but Charlotte is infatuated with me. She can’t stay away.”
“She works here, Max.”
“It’s more than that. An ace reporter like me can tell these things. She wouldn’t go out with Hughes.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter why. We have to stop it. Hughes will wreck the paper. Turn it into one of those Hollywood gossip rags.”
“Exactly.”
And steal my dame. Not that I’m ready to settle down, but when I am, Charlotte ain’t half bad. I want to keep that option open.
“Go talk to the finance guys. See what it would cost to buy the paper,” the Boss said.
I went to the second floor and sat down with a couple of the number crunchers.
“The Boss wants to know how much it would cost to buy Big City News,” I said.
“Too much. Mr. Fatbanks is not interested in selling.”
“Suppose someone like Howard Hughes wanted to buy the paper. What would it cost a group of investors to outbid him?”
They both laughed.
“You don’t outbid Howard Hughes,” Harold Pocketchange said.
“Hughes has more money than most countries. You can’t outbid Hughes. You have to outwit him.” Joe Billfold added.
“How?” I asked.
“If I knew that, I’d be as rich as Hughes,” Pocketchange said.
Well, that was a bust. I headed back upstairs to see the Boss. As I got into the elevator, I was greeted by the smiling face of Howard Hughes.
“Max! How good to see you again,” Hughes said.
“Hughes. What a surprise. What brings you to the big city?”
“I’m here on business. I thought I would stop by and see my old pal, Max.”
“It’s my lucky day.”
“Is Charlotte around? I hope to say hi to her also.”
“She’s out on assignment. The Boss has her doing the occasional story.”
“Really? Interesting.”
“Hey, why don’t I show you around the joint?”
“Sure. But I have a meeting at the bank in an hour.”
I showed Hughes the newsroom and my desk. He passed on my offer of a donut.
“Have a seat at my desk. Charlotte should be back any minute. I’ll go get the Boss. I am sure he would like to meet you.”
I crashed into the Boss’s office.
“Hughes is here. He’s sitting at my desk. The finance guys said there is no way to outbid Hughes. What are we going to do?”
“You are going to bring him into this office and convince him not to buy the paper.”
“How?”
“You’re a writer. Make something up.”
“I don’t do fiction.”
“Time to learn.”
I went and got Hughes and introduced him to the Boss.
“Mr. Hughes, it is a pleasure to meet you. What brings you to our paper?” the Boss said.
“Truth be told, I am considering buying Big City News.”
I cranked the crap-o-meter up to 10 and said, “Honestly, that’s a bad idea.”
“What do you mean?” Hughes replied.
“Well, I was talking to the science guys today, and they said newspapers are on their way out. You ever heard of computers?”
“Sure. The giant machines that perform calculations for science and finance.”
“Right. Well, my guys say that soon, those computers will be small enough to fit in a box that hooks up to your TV. And all the boxes will be connected by radio waves. Then you will be able to read the news on your TV for free. Newspapers will go out of business.”
“That’s ridiculous. Who would want to read the news on a screen? Sounds like science fiction to me. Anyway, I have a meeting with Mr. Fatbanks tomorrow. Who knows, I could be the new owner soon. Gotta go. Let Charlotte know I stopped by.”
Hughes got up and left.
The Boss looked at me with disgust and said, “Read the news on your TV? That was the best you could come up with?”
“I don’t work well under a deadline.”
“Don’t I know it. Now what?
“Well, I suppose there is only one thing to do. I am going to have to propose to Charlotte. Once Hughes knows she’s off the market, he will probably drop the idea of buying the paper.”
“Are you nuts? You don’t marry someone to stop a business deal. Besides, I like the kid. I wouldn’t want to see her stuck with a louse like you.”
“Thanks. I appreciate the vote of confidence.”
“Do you love her?”
“What?”
“Do you love Charlotte?”
“I think I could.”
“Not good enough. You either do, or you don’t. It’s her life also.”
“I never thought much about love. I was too busy chasing stories. But there is something about Charlotte. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like she gets me. The thought of marriage terrifies me, but I know I want her in my life.”
“Well, you better be sure before you do something stupid that you both regret.”
I never thought of the Boss as the sensitive type, but I had to admit what he said made sense. I needed to be sure of my feelings for Charlotte before I acted on them.
I didn’t see Charlotte the rest of the day. Her assignment must have kept her busy. I didn’t get much sleep that night either, thinking about Charlotte. But by morning, I had made up my mind. I had been pushing my luck with Charlotte. She was a catch, and I needed to reel her in.
I stopped at the jewelry store on the way to work and bought a diamond ring, on the installment plan. I put it in my pocket and headed to the paper.
I stepped off the elevator, and Charlotte was standing there waiting for me. Before I could get a word out, Charlotte let loose.
“Max, you are not going to believe it. I had dinner with Howard Hughes last night, and he proposed. Just like that. Out of nowhere. Can you believe it?”
“Congratulations,” I forced out.
“What? You moron. Of course, I said no. I hardly know the man. That’s not the worst part. I found out he only wanted to buy the paper because I work here. Like he could buy my affections by buying Big City News. I told him not to bother — what a loser. You were right, Max. He is a wacko.”
For the second time in two days, I was speechless.
“You looked like you were about to say something when you got off the elevator. What was it?” Charlotte asked.
“Nothing at all, Doll Face. Nothing at all.”
I smiled, walked over to my desk, and grabbed a day-old donut.
This story is complete fiction. Howard Hughes never participated in any of the events included in this story. That I know of.
Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
Is the paper still in business? Hiring?
I like the idea of an all-day donut buffet.
🍩
Undoubtedly, a Hughes-run Big City News would suffer the same fate that the Hughes-run RKO Radio Pictures of the 1950s did (bankruptcy), and Max would have started looking for a new job.