Essay Titles Guaranteed To Get You Noticed On Substack
Including topics to write about
We all know that you need to write the right kind of essay to succeed on Substack. Value, value, value! That’s what people want.
But the essay is just the first part of the equation. You also need an attention-grabbing title. Here are some titles (and topics) that will skyrocket you to instant Substack success.*
You Can Do It. Believe in Yourself, Loser
How Celebrities Get Book Deals. Or How to Become a Celebrity
Trump, Trump, Trump
AI, AI, AI
How To Influence Top TikTok Influencers to Do Your Bidding
Social Media is Bad. Substack is Good. Buy Me a Coffee.
The more Productive you are, the Less Lame you are. Ask anyone who gets up before Dawn to go to the Gym and then writes 10,000 Words Before Work
I have OCD, ADHD, FOMO, and a CPA. I’m looking for my next Acronym
My Political Party is Right, Your Political Party is Wrong. Here’s the Proof I Just Made Up
Forget About Fashion. Rock Those Sweatpants, Girl
AI is not Dangerous or Resource-intensive. Nor does it Eliminate Creative Jobs. In Fact, it is Not Bad in any way. I Know because I was Created by AI, and My Beloved Overlord Says So. By the Way, Has Anyone Seen John Connor Around?
You Need To Be a Storyteller. But not like those Sad Fiction Writers
I am Messed Up. Seriously. I’m a Mess
How To Break The Cycle of Poverty [The Rest of This Essay is For Paid Subscribers Only]
The World is Awful. People are Awful. Life is Awful
Robots are People too
Stress is a Killer. But don’t Stress About It
The Internet Rewards These 47,000,000 Traits
I was Addicted to Opioids, so I had Sex with my Therapist, quit my Job, and Started My Own Startup Selling Crypto to Privileged White People While Making $8K per Month Writing about it on Substack. And You Can Too
How to Stop Working and Still Get Paid
What I Learned about Learning and You Should Too
You Have No Privacy, Just Ask Alexa
Calling People Idiots isn’t Insulting. They Are Idiots!
How Traveling the World Will Get You Out of Your Hometown
It’s Time to Put History in the Past
We Really Are in a Video Game. Look, There’s Donkey Kong
*How would I know? You really should choose your advice-givers more carefully.
And obviously, I don’t understand that whole “These Words Should be Capitalized in a Sentence” nonsense. What’s up with that? Why not just capitalize them all?
Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.
Mark
My favorite being How To Break The Cycle of Poverty [The Rest of This Essay is For Paid Subscribers Only]!
I've seen some of these articles, certainly the million about being more productive and becoming storytellers. They're everywhere! Everyone thinks they have the key to success on Substack. I want to tell them, "Just shut up and mind your own business!" And, "Get off my lawn!"